The epiphany of Perdana with his idiosyncrasies.

Swan Song

2010-05-03T22:46:00.013+08:00

The epiphany of Perdana with his idiosyncrasies.
(2007-2010)

As I reflect on my life journey these past three years reading most of my entries in this blog, it is pleasant to know that I have indeed learned a lot from the decisions I've made along the way. When opportunity knocked, I'm glad that in retrospect, I didn't lock the door but instead, embraced it with an open mind.

But when the truth hits home, it hits hard.

This is my 200th entry at http://just-perdana-and-you.blogspot.com/ but after so many posts, I have - for the better or the worse of it - decided to announce the demise of this blog. After all, the signs have been clear all along; my rate of publishing was akin to an unrelenting locomotive but five months into the year of 2010, the rate dwindled exponentially and this year, I have only published three measly posts (inclusive of this one). To a large extent, I have to admit the malady induced by my (jejune) life as it is now played a big role in this dearth of posts. Furthermore, I feel that the demise of the blog is just an impending one, since my vision and philosophy in life has changed insofar as I feel like a different person entirely and that this blog is like a reminder of the persona that I used to project to the outside world, the person I used to be. Now, I have decided to move on, giving this blog its coup de grâce, and I hope without sounding too memento mori-ish...

Reading my inaugural entry here affirmed my decision. There and then, I was an apprehensive student fresh out of secondary school and into junior college, not knowing what to expect and how life in my pre-university years would unfold for me (with some really, really silly worries like, "Will people hate me if I tell the whole world how atrocious they are?", "Will I score straight-A’s and distinctions for my A-levels?" or "Will I ever get that it-pays-so-handsomely-I-can-retire-by-the-age-of-25 kind of job?"). But hey, fast forward three years later and here, now, you have the 21-year-old me, arguably a young adult whose perspective in life has matured, someone who is ready to take on whatever life has in store for him.

So, be it my apprehension prior to my O-level results, paranoia as if the world was going to end when I got posted to SAJC instead of NJC, my eventual realization that I was blessed to be in SA and finally graduating therefrom with countless fond memories or even my random, quirky reflection on random topics such as friendship or love, it is safe to say that it is all passé now. True, it was fun documenting my feelings and experience all in one platform like this, but as much as I'd love to, I can't relive it now because the past, will always remain, well, the past, and this blog is done serving its purpose, to accompany me at this part of my life.

I am not ruling out the possibility of me creating a new blog maybe once I ORD or enter the university (one that continues in the spirit of The epiphany of Perdana with his idiosyncrasies., filling up the lacuna created by this unfortunate departure), but at least for now, we have to say goodbye. I would like to end this with one song which I feel encapsulates and celebrates the zeitgeist of this blog, Westlife's 'Unbreakable' because I always hope that this bond we've forged thus far will be just like that, unceasing despite the passage of time.

Three years ago, I wrote that I wouldn't want to worry unduly about life because I just want to be "washed away and to follow the flow", living by the maxim que sera, sera.

Well, I cannot say it any better.

Whether you loved me or hated me, whether you thought I was genius or I was crap, I hope that The epiphany of Perdana with his idiosyncrasies has inspired you, made you laugh, cry, think (if not sneer at all my idiosyncrasies).

Cheers to whatever the future holds, it's indeed been a good run. And don't worry so much about tomorrow lest you can't live your life to the fullest because like what I said, que sera, sera.

Godspeed, and thank you for being a really great audience! (:

For the very last time,

The epiphany of Perdana with his idiosyncrasies.

The Frenetic, Cacophonous Cadence of This Corporal's Life

2010-04-21T22:33:00.007+08:00

Three months since my last blog entry and it feels like I have been here forever but for just a brief moment, time is passing so slowly and I'm already running out of it, just like what they say, "Where got time?!"

I don't know when exactly it happened but somewhere within the span of the last three months - along the way in my NS journey - I realized that I have become a changed person. Not so much physically (oh, how I wish that were the case, like, maybe give me a six-pack, pretty please? Wait long-long la) but rather, spiritually. To a large extent, my experience in the 23rd Maintenance Section Commander Course (MSCC) just last month attributed to this change:

There and then, it occurred to me that it has been almost one year since I got enlisted into the army. Basic Military Training (BMT) was so 2009, so was Basic Technician Training (BTT) in OETI. During MSCC, especially during the outfield, there were times when I reflected upon my current life vis-à-vis the larger scheme of things, and when MSCC finally ended, a part of me wanted to just tear and let it all out.

Of course I did, in the end, but that's besides the point. Something even further from the point is that if only someone saw me then and sang, 'I'll Stand By You'. LOL.

Well, I'm not afraid to admit that I did tear at that point in time. Some people will scoff at such unmanly, let alone soldierly act, but soldiers are human too, I would argue, and that, was simply a raw moment of humanity. I teared not because the training was unbearable, the expectations overwhelming, or wholly because I would miss my coursemates after we end our course. I teared because as much as NS hasn't been bad, it would become a part of my life from now on, and perhaps, I got a tad too jaded and worn down by everything it has been to me. But then again, at that very moment too it dawned on me that merely letting my twenty-four months in the army pass by me just like that wouldn't do me any good. It would not do anyone any good, for that matter. I resolved that I am not going to have the next twelve months slide by. I am going to live my life in the army, to carpe diem, and I cried because I told myself I will not let anything, or anyone, to break me apart no matter what, not any form of extra duties or any imbecile military experts (MEs), any circumstances dictating that I have to do something against my principles.

Pretty much what-doesn't-kill-you-only-makes-you-stronger the Nietzschean way, eh?

I also cried because I suddenly became nostalgic of my previous life (the relatively carefree JC and Council days - gosh, those were Halcyon days), my old friends and the people around me, and the utilitarian part of me got temporarily subdued by the sentimental side. I cried, and that symbolized my way of letting go, of no longer being in denial. No, don't get me wrong. It doesn't mean that now, I will stop being friends with my friends and that I will give up everything for army (I'm not talking about 'Absorption into Regular Service', okay? :P). It just means that I have completely come to terms with my comme-ci-comme-ça life as it is now and in fact, I have begun to embrace it. I'm doing this for myself and also because I know that this is what God wants me to do. Book-outs are no longer the time for me to reclaim the civilian 'me'; book-outs are now well-earned time for me, a soldier, to catch up with my family, friends, and things that truly matter insofar that it has become my philosophy to 'fuse' the NSF 'me' and the civilian 'me' instead of treating them as two mutually-exclusive entities. Makes me sound like I was suffering from bipolar disorder to have two separate identities, anyway. Haha.

Once you actually get the right mindset, certain things in the army don't seem that stupid, after all. I mean, you get to do certain things that you won't be able to do elsewhere (like shooting an M203 or traversing thick vegetation equipped with just a map and antiquated compass :P). Once you are able to do that, everything actually becomes an experience that indubitably will enrich your lives in ways you've never imagined before.

Phew, now, thank God for the fact that I'm still alive and kicking after a hectic month in the army (with IMT, ATP, outfield, navigation exercise, field deployment, guard duties and whatnot).

But wait, didn't I just say I am beginning to appreciate such things in the army by turning them into experience?

Ah, freak, I always indulge in self-conflict, don't I?

Until next time, I suppose! ;)

Your not-so-obedient-but-at-least-eventually-coming-to-terms-with-his-conscription soldier,

CPL Perdana Putra.

The Year 2009 and Perd's Guide for the Misguided

2010-01-05T23:11:00.003+08:00

And 2009, I must say, ended with a bang and soothing dose of nostalgia as I spent my New Year's Eve at Ryan's with the Councillors at our party, which was themed, 'Colors from the '90s'.

The dress code was colors of the rainbow because although people typically use sepia to depict a picture taken in a distant past, we decided that the '90s (collectively) was a colorful decade because it was then we were born, raised, tasted some of our firsts (first love, first kiss, first breakup, you name it); now that it is the dawn of another decade, we decided to celebrate the good ol' time with some old school songs redolent of it like Boyzone's 'No Matter What' or Westlife's 'Seasons in the Sun'. Pretty much like a retro theme, but more than that, because we infused vivid colors into the party through the decorations and our dress code.

After all, who can forget the '90s? Things were much simpler back then. We were so paranoid thinking that the millennium bug would incapacitate the world's computers (remember the Y2K?). It was the time when Backstreet Boys were so cool and every other boy you know in your primary school would have their albums in their Walkman, when Britney was pretty much still a decent schoolgirl (vis-à-vis the you-know-what Britney post-divorce and whatnot now), and when Neo made us ask ourselves the evergreen question, "The red or blue pill?". But hey, look, we survived all those! So, now that we realized our kiasuism and suakuness had gotten the better of us then, isn't it time to party to that nostalgic frame of time and relive all the bittersweet memories all over again? With another decade ringing in real soon, we sang an ode to this jaded decade that bookmarks our very own coming-of-age ;)

But that party was five days ago.

Today, when I sat at my office while waiting for my Sergeant to delegate the job for the day, it finally dawned on me that I have not done any reflections for the year 2010. Anyway, what's new? For a start, it is going to be one full year in the army, and secondly, my turning 21 this year - truth be told - is not exactly something that I look forward to. Then, for the very first time after A-levels, I am actually having some serious thoughts about applying to NIE instead because giving English tuition every now and then kind of reignited my latent (if not already nascent) passion for teaching. I mean, I am now thinking of giving up my place at NUS FASS to most probably teach English Language and English Literature.

But wait, I can barely write coherently (case in point, this post itself), let alone teaching others how to use the language effectively. Bleah. I am seriously parodying myself, just that it isn't funny in any way.

I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit about what is true and fake.
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate finding just that
Love is not always easy to make.

Then Yael Naim's 'New Soul' randomly filled my mind.

Somehow, as much as I am lost, the beginning of a new year never fails to comfort me with a certain spark of renewed hope, some kind of a chance for redemption. Like, I can just leave all the crap I did in the yesteryear for it to bury itself and start afresh. Yes, I am fully aware that I have been squandering that privilege for as long as I could remember, and there is nothing that can assure me this year, it's going to be different, is there? But that's a story for another day.

Slowly, I begin to better understand the mechanism of life - or whatever you please to label it. Each day, as I wake up in the morning and make my way to camp, joining the throng of the other hoi polloi - some fresh-faced but most, blasé - I often pilfer for myself some time to pause and ponder:

"Where is all this heading to?"

But alas, I find no reassuring answer from within. Anyone care to enlighten me, or is everyone as lost and disoriented as I am? Well, search me. If only I knew what am I doing on this borrowed time, I would not even continue whatever I am doing, now, would I?

That said, I feel that my goal for 2010 is to calibrate my 'life compass' so that I am better informed of where my life is heading. Even if it is on a one-way signless, exitless highway to perdition, it beats the hell out of knowing nothing at all about my destination.

And who knows, probably in the process of finding The Answer, I might be fortunate enough to find a miracle to be able to still make it in time to change my lane and head down somewhere else?

Year 2010, you take the wheel.

Happy new year to all of you! (:

Your misguided blogger,

Perd.

You're Not Sorry

2009-12-19T22:53:00.007+08:00

I realize that I usually blog on weekends because that would be the only time I am less occupied with things and thus, be able to reflect here and there, as much as being in army has (ironically) emasculated me, albeit in terms of my mental faculty (not so much of my physical).

But I digress.

Today, I talked to a friend who asked if he could win his ex back since they still hang out pretty often. He had to ask me that, after he sent her a break-up message with Taylor Swift's 'You're Not Sorry' as the addendum.

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
No, oh, no, oh, no oh
Whoa, no, no

You may think that us regular dudes are far removed from experiencing such an exaggerated, made-for-Channel-8-drama-series situation where you have to write something so schmaltzy, but the underlying wisdom - of putting a necessary stop to a cul-de-sac relationship and giving it the coup de grâce it definitely warrants - is part of common humanity (fine, if you insist, the common brotherhood), whether you are a Taylor Swift in Tinseltown or a Tay something-something in Toa Payoh New Town.

I mean, like, seriously, I don't think you can ever get your ex back regardless of what you guys still do after the breakup (and I'm not even talking about your behavior, which negates the sacrosanctness of The Breakup; little wonder why you two even broke up if you still want to see each other - in the fullest sense of the phrase). In this disguised friendship, I told my friend that he's being taken for a ride, because she benefits from a constant companion, yet she has the free licence to search for her next 'Mr Right'. Talk about having your cake and eating it, too, huh? Dude, we're guys, we're not freewares so, stop your addiction to her, because deep down, you know she is not The One - she is, in fact, as the breakup has proven, The Wrong One.

Women, contrary to popular belief, do send the right signals, especially about their lack of genuine interest, it's just men who refuse to get it. This is because somehow, somewhere, someone told them that persistence pays, and courting a woman is just like that. Well, let me tell you, it does not have to be like that. If your ex wants to be elusive, let her be elusive for all we care, and no prize is given if you guess correctly who is eventually left on the shelf, since she is already showing an I-want-to-be-a-spinster attitude so precociously. But there is a good news for us: the sooner we accept reality, the faster we can divert our energy to someone who cares. Wasting time with the wrong person is well, just time wasted. And really, a merry-go-round, as exhilarating as it could be, always represents stagnation because you are technically moving just round and round to nowhere.

Here are some telltale signs that a woman (your ex's included) is simply no longer into you and is merely taking you as her pet:
1) She doesn't remember what you say. She does it like Miley Cyrus, "If you text it, I'll delete it", but the difference is that while you mean it, she doesn't believe it. You tell her what you will be doing on Sunday night and when she asks if you can be her companion (a euphemism for being a babysitter for her bratty five-year-old niece) then, she draws a blank. Either she really has poor memory, or perhaps her phone 'accidentally' erases all messages from you. Truth is, it is perhaps the mélange of the two, although I am more inclined to believe she does have poor memory, but only for things (and persons) that don't really matter to her. Hurt? Don't. Suck it up (like how army has taught you) and let it go.

2) She is monosyllabic when you try to make small talks with her. Save for the very, very few occasions where she initiates the conversation (and ends up actually asking you a favor), when your loquacious ex suddenly turns taciturn, and she is not having oral ulcers, the only ulcer she has is you. Don't even bother trying to tweet or MSN her. And stop looking pathetic by Superpoking her on Facebook when all she reciprocates with is a 'throw a filing cabinet at', followed by 'drop f-bomb on' because the last time I checked, these are deemed 'cool' only if you are an angsty, 'emo' juvenile. And no, they are remotely anything romantic, unless you suffer from sadomasochism (in which case you probably should get yourself checked in since you have a problem more major than not being able to move on).

3) She pulls out at the 11th hour. Suppose you actually get to ask her out first, and this time, she does not need you to help her with cleaning the garage or fixing her computer. Then, frantically (at least she appears or sounds to be, eh?) she texts you an hour before you two meet and throws you an excuse - her cat's sick, her hamster's missing, her fish's not eating, or her 75-year-old grandma, one you have never heard of while you two were still together, has grounded her (as if she'd obediently listen to granny, when she could blatantly ignore the same order from her 40-something, Hitler-like father). Of course, I am not absolutely ruling out the possibility that any of the above could happen, but when it comes to the 400th time, I say you should stop giving her the benefit of doubt - she just can't say 'no' to you (although you end up being stood up anyway) because hey, you're her only pet who will not be sick, missing, or stop eating (assuming she cares if you don't, for a teeny weeny bit).

4) She confesses, "I don't like you that way anymore." Now, if she could be more blatant than this, she would, perhaps by banging your head against the wall or calling the police for harassment. If you are a gentleman (which I know you are), she has made it overt so, the only thing to do, is to respect her decision and do yourself a favor by nobly leave her. She may not utter it, but she will be thankful that you are graceful about the whole thing. But for the very last time, no matter how tempting it is for you, don't even tell her the cliche, "We can still be friends" or worse, "Okay, cool, but I can still call you, right?". Do that, and I'll be the one banging your head against the wall.

Being in such a situation, I feel, is only damaging to his own prospects, I told my friend. Doug Horton once said, "If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever.” So, bearing that in mind, let your ex to fend for herself because she is more than capable to do that, and see if your absence makes her realize that she should have appreciated you for who you are and what you've done for her. After all, only absence can make the heart grow fonder, right? If you can't even make that 'sacrifice', then probably, you've never really loved her.

In the meantime, remove that "老公 <3 老婆" ("'Husband' Loves 'Wife'") NeoPrint of you and her that you took years back from your wallet, and start exploring this world for well, greener pastures, for the lack of a better term. Don't shortchange yourself by being stuck in this rut. It's like, settling for McDonald's when you know a Happy Meal will no longer make the grown-up you 'happy' and what you really want now is a Carl's Jr. If you need some tips, however, Orchard Road is insanely crowded no thanks to the Christmas performances stretching from Orchard Ion all the way to Plaza Singapura. So, what are you waiting for? Granted, the xenophobic in you are more probably going to cuss at the lack of decorum of the foreigners from you-know-where as they take a stroll here but hey, if you're so fussy, you might just miss out on a good deal.

After all, who knows if your next 'greener pastures' would come from abroad, especially with the scarcity of 'opportunities' at home?

Haha.

Just burn me to death for that tongue-in-cheek statement :P

Your so-not-sorry blogger,

Perd.

No Matter What Happens, What Matters is Nothing Will Change

2009-12-05T01:20:00.002+08:00

Hello (:

I decided to blog about this to get this tinge of worry off my chest. I woke up after having a nightmare, where I slept and never woke up, without being able to tell my parents, my family and my close friends what I feel about them.

Then this particular someone came by, and he told me about his friend passing away when things seemed to be looking very bright for him.

And there, then, I woke up, feeling so empty out of a sudden. Incidentally, when I turned on my iPod, and pressed the 'Next' button, it shuffled to play Ronan Keating's 'If Tomorrow Never Comes'. Creepy much? :/

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face this world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

If you are a friend of mine who happened to read this, I need to let you know that even if we haven't been talking properly recently and stuff, you still matter as much to me. I'm sorry if I have done something that disappoints you but I'd love if you give me a chance to talk about it, for everything we used to be.

And if there is one day when I can no longer be by your side, tell yourself that you are never on this journey all alone.
If there is one day when I can no longer be seen, tell yourself that you can always look hard and deep enough into your heart, where you will find me.
If there is one day when I can no longer laugh with you, tell yourself that you must not let life bring you down and that you must laugh really hard for you and for me.
If there is one day when I can no longer tell you I care about you, tell yourself that I have never ever stopped caring about you.
If there is one day I can no longer wipe your tears away, tell yourself to be strong and pick yourself up, for you and for me.
If there is one day I can no longer do what I have promised you, tell yourself that I have tried my very best to fulfill what I have set out to do, and I would fulfill it given another chance to.
If there is one day that time finally comes when I have to leave - as I will - tell yourself that I am thankful for every single thing that you have shared with me and that I can never have too much of you in my life. Ever.

For now, I guess I better try going back to sleep (:

Your somnambulistic blogger,

Perd.

Count Your Blessing, Really...

2009-12-02T22:25:00.004+08:00

A prelude to this post, 'Two Is Better Than One' by Boys Like Girls (feat. Taylor Swift):

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey
You know this could be something
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

'Cause maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two, is better than one

I remember every look upon your face,
The way you roll your eyes, the way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
And finally now, we're leaving

And maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Well maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two, is better than one

Yeah, yeah

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life
And I thought hey

Maybe it's true, that I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking

Oooh I can't live without you
'Cause baby two is better than one
There's so much time, to figure out the rest of my life
And I've figured out with all that's said and done
Two, is better than one

Two is better than one.

And today, a friend of mine just said she was worried that her boyfriend would do 'funny things' during his NS overseas training in Taiwan and having heard such laments for a number of times, I just went, OMG WTF. Like, really. I am sorry if I sound very uncaring or worse, sexist, but I can cross my heart I am not trying to defend my own gender. I really think she should have more faith in him because I know how much he cares about her and contrary to the popular belief that men are promiscuous, I still have faith in other men (myself included), that in fact, there are exceptions to the 'rule', and not all men are like that. Sure, it is nice to hear girls saying, "But isn't that what you men do? Having more partners makes you all studs and not sluts," and the list goes on. But hey, if that's what you choose to believe about us, then you might as well take a vow of celibacy, no?

For once, listen to me, not every guy thinks he has the universal licence to be a jerk, even if at times we may appear to you like we do :P

Anyway, that is not the focal point of my post today. Her undue lamenting (if not paranoia) actually made me think if we have any rights to worry about such things, when there are people who are facing problems of relatively greater magnitude. Yes, we all have different kinds of problems, I hear you say but again, in the larger scheme of things, you cannot deny that starving to death, for instance, is more 'real' than losing your boyfriend, can you?

Deep inside, come on, you know what is the answer to that. It doesn't take much to realize how much you have (and to stop counting what you don't), but alas, it seems even harder to tell yourself to give up a little of what you have so that others can have a little bit more. Granted, it may be a one-off help you are rendering, but to that end, I would say you make a difference to whom your kind assistance is given. Maybe it is the Christmas spirit knocking at my door a tad early this year.

In times like these, I abhor myself for being damn selfish and uncaring. I loathe myself for not admitting the fact that if only I cared more, I could have done something; if only I cared enough, I would not just be typing this post and going back to sleep after that. And the worst part is, perhaps I really do not care that much to give up a fraction of what I have, and that is one thing I try very hard to hide from myself :/

Screw me.

I always run away from it, and it sucks knowing I just do. I tell myself I cannot make so much of a difference, for there are people richer than me, more capable than me, and hundreds other excuses I conveniently cook up for myself. So, I merely publish this post, turn my laptop off, shut the lights, and my temporarily-quiescent ingratitude recrudesces.

Finally, I tell myself, "Well, life is just unfair that way so, there's nothing I can do about it." And it sure is, because I was born lucky.

FML, really.

Your ungrateful blogger,

Perd.

and i want to believe in love again,

2009-11-08T18:17:00.007+08:00

and i want to believe In love again,
(not the complicated thing adults LOVE to think they have)
i just want to, and i know i'm going to, with YOU.

Haha. Gosh, what a pathetic short poem there. But yeah, how I miss loving, in its simplest form, without all the hassle that makes it complicated, when it is not supposed to be, just like how when we fell in love for the very first time when we were young. Well, anyway, to make up for the nausea induced in you after reading that, here's Taylor Swift's 'Fifteen' for you (:

You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day
And you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody's way

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
"You know, I haven't seen you around before"

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out
Well, count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
Fifteen

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
And soon enough you're best friends
Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool
We'll be outta here as soon as we can

And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car
And you're feeling like flying
And you're momma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one
And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends
When the night ends

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
Who changed his mind and we both cried

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

Your very first day
Take a deep breath girl
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors

I think the lesson to be shared makes a lot of sense, just that maybe some of us experience it way later after we're 15. But nonetheless, whatever your age is when you have it, there is one thing in common about teenage love, an indubitably universal human experience: it is colossal, but it doesn't define what life is about because granted, as much as love is important, it isn't the sole thing we live for, and in time, we will realize just that (:

So, the next time love brings you down, tell yourself you gotta cheer up because there's gonna be more to life. After all, we're still so young and that is the privilege of being young - we can still afford to make all the mistakes. What matters is not how much heartache must we put up with, how many teardrops must we shed. What matters is you learn from them and in the process, you learn to love better, ultimately, like the way you're supposed to be (:

I just finished re-reading Shel Silverstein's 'The Giving Tree', one of my childhood favorites, and it reminded me of the importance of such great love. The pseudo-internal tension when the tree grows old and the boy, now an old man, returns to it, could reflect the nature of our love in general. However, the tree's actions to continue loving the boy form an impression of a character we admire and even seek to emulate. I would say Silverstein strikes a delicate balance between realism and idealism. The traits of the tree aren't so exaggerated and as much as they could be too perfect to be true (vis-a-vis our more bitter reality), we can still relate to them and think that it is (still) possible to be like the tree. Definitely a delight reading, so much that I didn't not want it to end while it lasted.

Granted, it is again, a happy ending and yes, admittedly, I have this tendency to be against this sort of things because in practice, this world isn't that flawless (and many people aren't contented so, where do you find such self-sacrificing love in this place?). But despite that, this book provides more than just an avenue for escapism; it is subdued with enough honesty and 'realness' that it doesn't end up being just another fairy tale that fails to links itself back to its readers, unsuccessfully driving the message home.

After all, happy endings are nice. But realistic happy endings, ah, wouldn't they be even better? :P

Your childishly- (but not immaturely so) in-love blogger,

Perd
(yeah, right. HAHA).

In This Life

2009-10-19T09:38:00.003+08:00

Yes, I'm talking about the one Ronan Keating sang during Stephen Gately's funeral service.

For all I've been blessed with in this life
There was an emptiness in me
I was imprisoned by the power of gold
With one honest touch you set me free

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you

For every mountain I have climbed
And ever raging river crossed
You were the treasure that I longed to find
Without you love I would be lost

Let the world stop turning
Let the sun stop burning
Let them tell me love's not worth going through
If it all falls apart
I will know deep in my heart
The only dream that mattered had come true
In this life, I was loved by you
In this life, I was loved by you

And I wonder, what a waste that is when someone mindlessly pursues all the gold in life while the real 'gold' he could have found in his family and friends remains untapped.

Your otherworldly blogger,

Perd.

Disillusionment.

2009-10-18T02:18:00.002+08:00

Yeah, I think that's what I am going through now: disappointment upon finding out that one's expectations are not met.

From '(500) Days of Summer':
McKenzie: So do you have a boyfriend?
Summer: No.
McKenzie: Why not?
Summer: Because I don’t want one.
McKenzie: Come on; I don’t believe that.
Summer: You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?
McKenzie: Are you a lesbian?
Summer: No I’m not a lesbian. I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.
McKenzie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Summer: Really?
McKenzie: Nope.
Summer: Ok, let me break it down for you–
McKenzie: Break it down!
Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.
McKenzie: You’re a dude. She’s a dude!
Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love?
Summer: You don’t believe that, do you?
Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.

Yeah, but now, I am talking about friendship. Fine, so you decide that you want to change. Then sorry, I guess I just can't believe in you anymore, and trust me, this time, it's real, not like "Santa Claus".

I'm sorry for posting such a melancholic post after my hiatus but for those few who actually care, I am fine, thank you. I just need to rant, so to this place did I choose to go. Haha.

Take care and see you when I recover some of my faith in friendship (:

Your used-to-be friend,

Perd.

Letting Go

2009-08-08T10:23:00.003+08:00

Okay, I can't type a long entry because iTouch isn't too user-friendly for a lot of typing and I am already at the Tuas Checkpoint but I just thought that perhaps I should publish some comments about the Disney-Pixar show I watched with Ryan, Shaun and Zhuang last night - 'Up'.

I would say that certain scenes of the movie are cliched but nevertheless, it is arguably one of the most touching movies I watched recently. You can find the synopsis of the movie at IMDb or something but basically, the part which I think I would like to highlight about the movie would be the moral of the story: if you truly love someone, allow her to go with good memories and forget her, so that you, too, can soon find your own fulfilment and happiness. One tear-jerking quote I remember from the movie is one Ellie's last message to Carl, which she secretly wrote in her 'Adventure Book' with all the photos bookmarking the stepping stones of the wonderful life they built together before she died of old age, "Thanks for the adventure. Now go have one of your own."

The message is clear - letting go of someone does not mean you stop caring about her. In fact, it shows how much you truly love her, for you are able to start loving her in an entirely new way you have never loved. Granted, it is easier said than done, because if you love someone so much, it is obvious you would want that person to be with you for eternity. However, it is unfortunate that none of us are immortal and whether you like it or not, our life would cease at a certain point. That said, when you move on after you have lost someone you love dearly, it is just a way to tell that person how you will carry on living because that would definitely be what she wants for us, whom she loves so much. We let go not to forget the past we ought to cherish, but to make space for what is going to come our way so that we ourselves can extrapolate our experience thereby putting the past in perspective.

At the end of the movie, Carl's house, albeit through happenstance, did ultimately land exactly where he and Ellie envisioned it in Paradise Falls. That symbolizes the finality of their life journey, for which Ellie is grateful but simultaneously, it also a sign that it is time for Carl to move on with his life and eventually, to "have one (adventure) of [his] own."

That is what I mean by an eternal love (:

Speaking of that, just a song to end my incoherent post: 'Evergreen' by Will Young.

Eyes
Like a sunrise
like a rainfall
Down my soul
And I wonder
I wonder why you look at me like that
What you're thinking
What's behind
Don't tell me
But it feels like love

Chorus
I'm gonna take this moment
And make it last forever
I'm gonna give my heart away
And pray we'll stay together
Cause you're the one good reason
You're the only girl that I need
Cause you're more beautiful than I have ever seen
I'm gonna take this moment
And make it evergreen

Touch
Like an angel
Like velvet to my skin
And I wonder
Wonder why you wanna stay the night
What you're dreaming
What's behind
Don't tell me
But it feels like love

Chorus

(Oh yeah don't tell me
But it feels like love)

I'm gonna take this moment
And make it last forever
I'm gonna give my heart away
And pray we'll stay together
Cause you're the one good reason
You're the only girl that I need
Cause you're more beautiful than I have ever seen
I'm gonna take this night
And make it evergreen.

The Blogger You'd Not Want to Let Go,

Perd.

It's Like Being Lost in Heaven

2009-08-02T04:16:00.003+08:00

That's what I am feeling right now ;)

Debbie Gibson - 'Lost in Your Eyes'
I get lost in your eyes
And I feel my spirits rise
And soar like the wind
Is it love that I am in?
I get weak in a glance
Isn't this what's called romance
And now I know
'Cause when I'm lost I cant let go
I dont mind not knowing what I'm headed for
You can take me to the skies
It's like being lost in heaven
When I'm lost in your eyes
I just fell, dont know why
Something's there we can't deny
And when I first knew
Was when I first looked at you
And if I can't find my way
If salvation seems worlds away
Oh, I'll be found
When I am lost in your eyes
I don't mind not knowing what I'm headed for
You can take me to the skies
It's like being lost in heaven
When I'm lost in your eyes
I get weak in a glance
Isnt this what's called romance?
Oh, I'll be found
When I am lost in your eyes

Your emotionally-unstable blogger,

Perd.

C'est La Vie

2009-07-12T02:30:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, they say that we have to put the past behind us and move on.
Often, I ask myself, move on? But just where to?
Always, I question if that in itself is a good advice, because the way I see it, we should not forget the past for all the good and bad reasons.

The 'good past' would probably encourage someone who is traversing through a rough patch to continue not to lose faith, bearing in mind that the Halcyon days, like history, could jolly well repeat themselves and life is not all bad; the 'bad past' on the other hand, could probably help one to know and cherish the happier times he is having right now, to feel grateful for having seen through the bad times.

I think I am a person who seeks solace in the past, with the comfort it offers - that feeling of 'veni vidi vici', 'I came, I saw, I conquered'.

The good ol' times we used to have during our earlier carefree college days, with all the trivial incidents that took place then - I am sure everyone has a bit of such things. I'm sure the past would be an enviable state of affairs (vis-a-vis perhaps the bleak and dull adult life) to which we wish we could go back. That said, have you ever thought, if only life had a rewind button?

Nevertheless, in practice, I would pose myself this question: would life really be that great if we all had a rewind button?

Nay, I don't think so.

I tend to believe that life is to be lived for every moment, with each of it savored to its fullest. Every moment, arguably, is special in its own way, and if you had an option of re-living it again (over and over again ad nauseam, maybe) perhaps we would just miss out on the fun, nostalgia and sentiment attached to it.

Want to return to, for instance, your Prom Night when everyone looked their best, having the time of their life? Not a problem - just press the Rewind Button.

Hmm, as cool as it may sound, it doesn't exactly sound very exciting, huh? Fine, I know I'm being oxymoronic there (not to mention, incoherent but let's not digress, I have been awake for more than 20 hours already, okay?) but think about it carefully. Imagine watching a horror movie or stumbling upon a childhood song decades later. Watching, or listening to it over and over again might give you the kick but will it emulate the spark you had the very first time you did it? Chances are, the adrenaline rush would be dampened, the psychedelia worn off.

Sure, it is interesting to re-live certain times in our past but again, c'est la vie (French for 'such is life'), we will only want something which we do not have. I am glad we do not possess a physical rewind button (save for maybe, the one we have in our mind) because as much as the past has been a great ride, I also want to experience the fun that the future has to offer. I want to immerse myself in whatever life has in store for me. As much as I feel certain longings to go back to my pre-A-level days (when mugging actually felt so fun because you got to do it with awesome friends late into the night within the school's premises), for example, I know that I have to serve my National Service, go to the University to get my Bachelor's degree and whatnot.

Memories are great because they remind us how life has been good on us, they teach us from not making the same mistakes, and they prompt us to be thankful for all that we have been given. But again, we don't live to make mere memories, do we?

We live, I think, to fully dive headfirst into such moments and wholly, well, living life itself in the process ;)

I do not know if I am making sense but regardless, I will just go to sleep first. Haha. But before I do that, here is a song I thought I want to share with you since it is apt for tonight's topic - Chicago's 'Hard to Say I'm Sorry'.

Everybody needs a little time away, I heard her say, from each other.
Even lovers need a holiday far away from each other.
Hold me now. Its hard for me to say I'm sorry. I just want you to stay.

After all that weve been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

Couldn't stand to be kept away just for the day from your body.
Wouldn't wanna be swept away, far away from the one that I love.
Hold me now. Its hard for me to say Im sorry. I just want you to know.
Hold me now. I really want to tell you I'm sorry. I could never let you go.

After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.
And after all that's been said and done,
You're just the part of me I can't let go.

After all that we've been through, I will make it up to you. I promise to.

You're gonna be the lucky one.

This song is indubitably an oldie that brings back a hell lot of memories. I just chanced upon it again when I went for a random karaoke session yesterday.

Random occurrences in life. Hmm, maybe I'll talk about it the next time but for now, good night! (:

Your Memorable Blogger (as if!),

Perd.

Goodbye is the best word to say indeed

2009-06-14T22:28:00.004+08:00

With the status quo, that is...

Air Supply - Goodbye

I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
i don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye

After my AWOL, I'm finally back in business :P

2009-06-08T22:24:00.004+08:00

Hello (:

Gosh, it finally dawned on me that it has been forever since I last blogged and a lot of things have hitherto changed. I don't think I can write a long post now since I still have to run errands (mostly administrative stuff for NS) but just a gist of the highlights of my life after two months:

- I got enlisted for National Service on April 24, and have in fact graduated from BMTC Sch II yesterday. Now, I am not a Recruit anymore, I am a Private :P
- For my military training, I was at first in Pegasus Company but it did not last long, because within 12 hours after my enlistment, I got transferred to Ninja Company.

And yes, it is the Company notorious for being the toughest, the strictest, the most persnickety, the most 'xiong' of all the companies in Pulau Tekong but yet, it is weird how I kind of miss it already, barely a day after my passing out.
- I am going to NUS' Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences to perhaps do Psychology and/ or Political Science, after turning down NTU's Psychology and SMU's Social Sciences. I know that since I still have two years in the Army to make up my mind, things might change, so, at least this applies for now.

Hmm, I wish I could write more but yeah, I guess I will post a longer entry when time permits. For now, I think I will just end this post with a song I first heard years ago. It's 'Will You Wait For Me' by Kavana. If it's esoteric to you, then it's good, because the theme of the song is something you'd rather not relate to. Haha.

Will You Wait For Me - Kavana

I need to talk with you again
Why did you go away?
All our time together still feels like yesterday

I never thought I'd see
A single day without you
The things we take for granted
We can sometimes lose

And if I promise not to feel this pain
Will I see you again? Will I see you again?

Coz time will pass me by
Maybe I'll never learn to smile
But I know I'll make it through,
If you wait for me

And all the tears I cry,
No matter how I try,
They'll never bring you home to me
Won't you wait for me in heaven?

Do you remember how it was?
When we never seemed to care,
The days went by so quickly,
Coz I thought you'd always be there

And it's hard to let you go,
Though I know that I must try,
I feel like I've been cheated,
Coz we never said goodbye

And if I promise not to feel this pain,
Will I see you again? Will I see you again?

Coz I miss you so, and I need to know
Will you wait for me?

And time will pass me by,
Maybe I'll never learn to smile,
But I know I'll make it through
If you wait for me

Until next time, do take care and thank you for staying right here (:

Your no-longer-a-Recruit-NSF,

Perd.

Annoyance.

2009-03-30T00:47:00.002+08:00

That, I would say, is the Zeitgeist.

I am not done with SMU application (because I have been postponing the write-up component for the longest time) and truth be told, I have been treating University application like it isn't no child's play (exasperation on your part fully intended by the choice of double negative). I don't know, really. Like, I have been fooling around with my choice of courses for University because I know that when I get enlisted on April 24, all of these would be immaterial, at least until I enter the University effectively in 2011.

I wanted to take a year off from studying but goodness, where to? Ah, childhood is definitely a time of relative happiness in comparison to the sacrifice and responsibility of adulthood now (and did I say, the weighing expectations, too?). I need to move my stuff to my new place, I need to visit my family in Indonesia before I get conscripted for two years, I need to finish up my study plan, I need to take the SAT, I need to do dozen other things.

And what am I doing now?

Blogging.

What the hell?!?

Your irritating (and simultaneously irritated) blogger,

Perd.

I'm gonna be random, but I will be...

2009-03-22T02:22:00.005+08:00

Leona Lewis - I Will Be

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Without you I can't sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah

Cause without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here, with me, do you see,
You're all I need

And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

I will be (I'll be), all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, you know I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

Yeah, I am sure I will be. Or not.

Your determinist,

Perd.

Choices...

2009-03-12T00:43:00.004+08:00

Okay, I know it isn't helping to be reminded that I have to choose my University course so soon but as usual, the escapist in me went to these websites instead to try my luck:

http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/uhhhhnameless/what-degree-is-right-for-you/

http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/sebarr/what-collegeuniversity-should-you-attend/

http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/Major/odude22/what-should-my-university-major-be/

And I'd personally recommend http://quizfarm.com/quizzes/new/ohiojoshua/what-major-is-right-for-you/.

Okay, I need to digest the prospectus I just read.

Your erratic student,

Perd.

2009-03-09T22:52:00.003+08:00

And now, the big question is: should i leave, or should i stay?

After all, what difference does this person make - just another note, another drop, another alphabet?

Am i ready to go?

I had recently concluded my GCE 'A' Level Examination

2009-03-07T12:28:00.004+08:00

And trust me, although I did not get wonderful grades, I am grateful for the results that I received, not only because they are way better than the U's and the S's I had during my Preliminary Examination (when I got so depressed because I seem to be 'eligible' for all the level-up programmes) but also, because I know that whatever I received, God knows what's best for me, even if I don't see it right now.

God Will Make A Way - Don Moen

God will make a way

Where there seems to be no way

He works in ways we cannot see

He will make a way for me

He will be my guide

Hold me closely to His side

With love and strength

For each new day

He will make a way

By a roadway in the wilderness

He'll lead me

And rivers in the desert will I see

Heaven and earth will fade

But His Word will still remain

He will do something new today

"O LORD, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago.” Isaiah 25:1

To those who did not do as well, trust me, there will be a way out, somehow (:

Your soon-to-be matriculated student,

Perd.

I got too anxious about Friday...

2009-03-03T23:10:00.005+08:00

And I actually Googled some cut-off grades for all the courses in the three local universities. Okay, fine, I admit that I too did check out NIE's entry requirement for Bachelor of Arts/ Science (Education) here.

Man, looking at all the grades makes me feel queasy. Try them:

NUS

http://admissions.nus.edu.sg/sprogramme-igp.html

NTU

http://www3.ntu.edu.sg/oad2/pdfs/COP.pdf

SMU

http://www.smu.edu.sg/admissions/downloads/pdf/Samp%20Notif%20(SMU)%20COP%20FINAL%20with%20FAQs.pdf

--Perd.

P.S.: Haha, what a joke. I even wanted to try for Law, when the required grades would be AAAA:

It feels so, surreal...

2009-03-02T23:06:00.003+08:00

That I am going to collect my A-level results on Friday, at 2:30p.m.

I feel sick just thinking about it, and what could possibly go wrong. I really want to fast forward to a decade later, sparing myself the agony of seeing my own results.

I have a feeling that it's not gonna be good.

Alas, I can only wait and worry now.

If only...

--Perd.

Look what I found!

2009-03-02T00:42:00.003+08:00

I was uploading some of my birthday photos to Facebook when I saw this photo that reminds me of my one-day stint being a relief teacher for a Primary 4 class at one all-girl school:

Jessica: Mr Teo, you gave me the wrong answer for question 10. The answer should be (2).
Perd: Hmm, tell me why must it be a definite article then.
Jessica: Huh? You mean Jim can just marry any girl, and she doesn't have to be the one?
Perd: (After a five-second silence). No, no, no, I am not saying anyone will just do but... wait, how many times must I repeat myself that an indefinite article must be used, blah blah blah (me trying to digress).

Ah, kids. Haha. She was probably right, profoundly speaking. Gosh, even a 10-year-old can talk philosophically, hinting at the more sublime facet of things.

Okay, birthday post coming next but for now, I need to sleep (:

Your random blogger,

Perd.

I am speechless...

2009-02-28T22:21:00.002+08:00

I have so many things to talk about but they are so ineffable right now that I think coercing myself into blogging would not do the post justice.

For now, it's sufficient to say that I am so very grateful for the friends who made my 20th birthday a memorable one. I am too overwhelmed by the warmth and the emotions so I'll write more at a later date. Man, you guys rock. Beyond the gift in itself, beyond the dinner, beyond the planning, beyond the time spent, it is the imprinted memory you leave that counts, above all.

In retrospect, turning 20 is not as bad as I'd imagined it to be. THANK YOU, FRIENDS, for the time you made to be able to be there for my birthday dinner (and as a result, foregoing dozen other things), for the effort you put in, for the money you invested - all of them more than make Perd a blessed and loved boy (I'm not 21 yet, so the idiosyncratic me think that I am not a man yet :P).

I'll blog more about yesterday's dinner at Boat Quay when I have some pictures but this was what exchanged today:

G-Max Staff: Whoa, today is your birthday ah?
Perd: Oh, haha, nope it was yesterday.
G-Max Staff: Haha. You have great friends.

Tell me about it (:

Man, A-level results are to be released soon. Regardless of the outcome, I am glad to have come to SAJC, to have met all the friends. After all, it's not the results that matter for me; what matters is the friends I take with me as I leave the College no matter what.

Good night!

Your 20-year-old blogger,

Perd.

In life, change is the only constant

2009-02-15T01:50:00.004+08:00

And I'd disagree no more.

I cannot help concurring that in life, almost everything is subjected to change that it is so hard to remain the same exact individual that you are for good. Looking back on all the years I have lived, I realize that as seasons change, the person I am inside changes and as a consequence, so do the friends I hang out with. I remember telling a friend I always think that each of us has a purpose in the lives of our friends. However, once that purpose is fulfilled, it is most likely that we will move on elsewhere.

I am not saying that all the friendship I forge is transitory but I cannot help thinking that certain people are only there in your life for some reasons. Perhaps it is the guy who is to accompany you as you prepare for that examination, or perhaps, it is the girl who is to help you cope with a demanding boss that you have. Regardless of the reasons, I'd inevitably feel sad for 'losing' a close friend. True, strictly speaking, I still call him my buddy, or my bestie, but I'd be lying if I said that what I feel about the said person is the same as the way I did, say, a few months back.

Okay, it's kind of late, and I need to sleep. I really had an enjoyable evening, spending time with my fellow bachelors and bachelorettes. Despite what I just wrote, at least I am grateful for the friends that I have at this point of speaking. I do not know if I would feel the same way about them a few years down the road but at least for now, I want to cherish this friendship as much as I can.

Perennial friendship, hmm, I do not know if I have forged some because in order to assert such things one has to be able to withstand the tests of time and distance, which I doubt I am highly exposed to but anyway, here's a song that celebrates friendship for you, 'You'll Be in My Heart' by Phil Collins:

Youll Be In My Heart - Phil Collins

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight

I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
The way we feel
They just don't trust
What they can't explain
I know we're different but,
Deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
To have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

I wanted to lament the fact that life is so vicissitudinous but again, c'est la vie, no? Haha.

Your for-the-moment friend,

Perd.

Life + Love = Randomness

2009-02-13T20:53:00.005+08:00

One moment, I cease to blog for weeks; another, my writing is like torrential rain. This, is of course, the latter.

I received a call from a friend this morning. She said that her brother's best friend died in an accident in the US and he (my friend's brother) is deeply perturbed by the unwelcome news that he has not been himself for more than a couple of days after the incident took place. Oftentimes, such news make me think real hard because they are vivid reminders of the fragility of life. Truth be told, (once the melancholy wears off and my condolences have been extended) each time I hear about the demise of someone I know, I would secretly tell myself, "Gosh, I hope I'm not the next one in line."

As a carefree teenager, Death sometimes sounds like an arcane, elusive, esoteric or worse, alien thing to me, because I think that I am untouchable, as if I were detached from that possibility. After all, I am still so young and youth, we are in our prime, at the zenith of our lives as we chase all the earthly materials before our lives take an about-turn, inexorably plummeting into the nadir at a later part of our lives. At least, that's what we'd like to think. Sadly, the truth is the complete opposite. Yes, we do have vaccination against hepatitis, against tetanus, but we have none against Death itself, even if we are living some of the best years of our lives.

I did not write this morbid and macabre post to make you paranoid.

Think about this: as a human being, I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow (provided it does come in the first place). However, I feel that it is important for me to make it a point now to thank God each day I wake up that I am alive and well (so are my family members and friends). I do not want to take my life for granted, like many of us do, thinking that our safety and health are a given.

After ending the aforementioned conversation with my friend, I made a mental note to myself to have regular 'reality check', so that I can be grateful for each new day, which as I said before, might just end there without you knowing when it really ends. So, I coerce myself to make the best of each day bestowed upon me by living it the way it should be.

I guess so should you.

Incidentally, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Why don't we start by telling our family and friends 'I Love You'? Obviously, it shouldn't be done perfunctorily or artificially. Live, they say, like there's no tomorrow, and love, like you've never been hurt before.

But of course, I am a practical person and I know that uttering "those three words" is just, out of the question for certain people who aren't predisposed to saying mawkishly sentimental things. Well, fret not, then let music do the job. If you're idealistic and naive (sans the pejorative connotation, please), maybe you want to go for Taylor Swift's 'Love Story':

Love Story - Taylor Swift

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony of summer air

See the lights,
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
You say hello
Little did I know

That you were Romeo you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet cause we're dead if they know
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while

Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said:

Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes

Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real,
Don't be afraid
We'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes, oh,

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town I said:

Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knealt to the ground and pulled out a ring

And said:

Marry me Juliet you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes

Oh, oh, oh

Oh, oh, oh, oh

Cause we were both young when I first saw you

Alternatively, if you're the more ruminative type, then perhaps you'll prefer Ronan Keating's 'If Tomorrow Never Comes' (which is quite apt, with reference to the title of this post, because the song does combine both mutually-dependent elements - a life without love is incomplete and a love without life is plain meaningless):

If Tomorrow Never Comes - Ronan Keating

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

However your preference could be, I believe there's something for everyone, just like there's someone for everyone. Right?

For couples, have a great V-day celebration tomorrow; for those who are still single, enjoy your freedom while it lasts; for those who are neither here nor there, um, I don't know about you. Haha! I'm joking. If, for whatever reasons, you do not see yourself belonging distinctively to any one category - then by all means - remain the same, for love is blind and we love you for just everything that you are (and a dozen other things that you are not) ;)

Happy Valentine's Day! (:

Your lovely bachelor (LOL!),

Perd.

P.S.: If you think that there's some kind of bathos in this post, it is purely deliberate. I decided to end this post at a buoyant note because that's the approach that I'm going to take tomorrow as well to make tomorrow's Valentine's Day, another day in my life, count - by spending it with the people who truly matter over a casual evening :D

I know everything changes, but I do know, what I feel about, well, you ;)

2009-02-12T23:49:00.004+08:00

For the umpteenth time, I am guilty of the cardinal sin every blogger is prone to: being in a hiatus.

Okay, I am not trying to come up with any exculpatory evidence here but sometimes, I really think I have lacunar amnesia that certain events (and people), are just forgotten by me. I'm serious. I always believed that it is my innate coping mechanism when I try to deal with unpleasant moments and any other memories best forgotten. I could update this blog everyday, but I would bore you to death with what I write, because it would just be, succinctly put, contrived. Besides, it would be a hassle to blog regularly when I am so caught up with work (and selective socialization, as always :P).

I tried to re-read the above paragraph and it made no sense to me. As a matter of fact, it still does not. Nevertheless, I shall just post it and see if I might want to change it later.

I am not sure if I have changed inside, given the fact that so long a period of time has passed since my last proper blog post. Call me arbitrary but in retrospect, I really love going to school, even if it means waking up at 6am to make it just in time for morning assembly (I'm a dilatory student, remember?) and going back only at 10pm, trying to mug the entire lecture notes of say, Free Trade or New International Division of Labour.

Ah, now I realize why I did not feel perfectly snug when I typed that - I omitted the most important element of my school-going experience. Of course, it would be my friends :D I remember a song by Sugababes I posted here earlier, 'About You Now':

About You Now - Sugababes

I know everything changes
All the cities and faces
But I know how I feel about you

There's a mountain between us
But there's one thing I'm sure of
That I know how I feel about you

Can we bring yesterday back around
'cause I know how I feel about you now
I was dumb, I was wrong
I let you down
But I know how I feel about you now .

Yeah, can we do that, to bring yesterday back around?

The last time I checked, I never liked going to school; what a life full of ironies. In my book, that is my life, one that is filled with missed chances and failures to treasure what I have before I lose them.

Now, I really think I miss some of them...

The one who futilely defies time and logic,

Perd.

Bleah, I got tagged, again 2.0

2009-02-01T16:02:00.002+08:00

If you have a Facebook, then read http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=47828497310 for the full story :P

Weird Things about Perd

I like to appear very optimistic about life to others but when I am alone, you wouldn't want to know how pessimistic I could be. I won't go to the extent of contemplating suicide but still...

I don't like candy, although I don't mind chocolates. Ironically, my teeth are not even in mint condition. Hmm, maybe I should consider consuming more mint-flavored sweets -.-

I'm quite a hygiene freak that when someone at a close proximity coughs or sneezes, I will hold my breath and close my eyes lest the bacteria enter my nasolacrimal duct :P

I cannot sleep at all during lessons or lectures, no matter how tired I am. This is so unlike many of my classmates and friends, who can just sleep even when Ms K is the one giving the lecture. Oh, wait, that's narcolepsy, isn't that? LOL!

I am an obsessive-compulsive time-watcher. You won't believe it, but I can glance at my phone screen every other minute just to take note of the time

I love going to the airport although I prefer travelling by land and sea. Being in the airport - in the midst of the travellers - never fails to make me feel as if I was a part of their experience, all waiting to be taken to our destination

Based on the previous point, you can deduce I love travelling so much. In fact, I would want to be a travel journalist after I retire

I am very fickle about the career I would want to pursue. Throughout my 19 years of living, I had wanted to be a teacher, a pilot, a psychologist, a HR manager, a lawyer but currently, I want to be a writer. Talk about being a dilettante! Heh

I use a fake name when I buy things from Starbucks or Botak Jones because it makes me laugh. Some of my favorite 'pseudonyms' include Peter, Michelangelo and Thomas. HAHA!

I love my friends so much; some of them I love perhaps more than I do myself. No kidding. When I tell them they can always call me if they need anything 24/7, I am not being cute, I am being myself, the very-not-cute and 'unglam' me. Okay, sorry I digress but you get the drift :P

For 9 out of every 10 times I go out to eat, I choose the same thing even after telling myself I want to try new things. Whenever it's Subway, it would be Cold Cut Trio; if it's Burger King, then it would be Mushroom Swiss; you want to talk about The Soup Spoon, then I would choose Meatless Minestrone with their Smoked Ham and Cheese sandwich. I would spend about 10 minutes looking at their menu, considering the things that I could get, but I will end up choosing the old favorites, as usual

I have the habit of observing every little detail of the people around me - from the brand printed on each button of the shirt someone might be wearing to the way my friends refer to me on their phone contacts list. Shut up, I ain't stalking you, okay? LMAO. Oftentimes, I would archive this 'information' I acquire into my mental dossiers. So, the next time I write on the birthday card for one of my friends, he/she shouldn't be surprised by the trivia I could embed into my well-wishing :P

I am too sentimental for my own good. A simple tune or a rudimentary sketch could jolt me into a walk down the memory lane full of nostalgia

I am a Chinese (albeit not purely so) but I speak Chinese like a Caucasian who has learned the language for merely one year ;) And don't remind me about my weird accent when I speak Chinese, ta ma de :P

I multi task so much that my friends often rebuke me for say, incessantly SMSing when I talk to them with my mouth half-filled with food. Hehe

Although I am a guy, I prefer 'Gossip Girl' to a WWE or a soccer match. You know you love me ;P

I don't curse often but perhaps, that's because I treat potential expletives like "Bastard leh you" or "What the hell?" or "Wah kao" as if they were not profane, vulgar phrases ;)

Like Dano, I think that The Sims is the coolest PC game ever made. Okay, and Grand Theft Auto, too. And don't forget, Second Life. Hah!

I have a phobia to mannequins, and I just don't know why :/

I don't like to be unduly obsessed with academic qualifications as many people are wont to do but ironically, notwithstanding the fact that tests are anathema to me, I still registered myself for Basic Theory TEST, SAT Reasoning TEST, and I'm seriously considering TEST of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL) now, even after I have just finished my A-levels -.-

I love to shop alone but I don't like to be seen doing it. Get it? Haha

I really love being in a Student Council and it has been a part of me even from the dawn of the time I 'sold my soul' to the wolf in sheep's clothing we know as Education. I was a prefect from Primary One up to Secondary Three, got into Council in Secondary Four, continued that up to my JC years and now, I think of joining the Students' Union when I go to the University later (assuming all other things being equal :D)

I am a skeptic for what they call "Sale" or "Discount". Whenever I check out discounted items, I would be predisposed to judge them to be either a second-hand factory reject or a refurbished article. And gosh, how I hate the shoppers who would behave like they were bargaining for bric-a-brac in a pasar malam (night bazaar). Fortunately, I am less skeptical now :D

Among my circle of friends, I foster a culture where they dare to speak up, and are encouraged to tell me things but once they have brought their problems to me, I would refuse to directly solve them. I'd give subtle suggestions (which are sometimes labelled to be a tautology, like, the 'duh' stuff, or too politically-correct) but I won't tell them what exactly should they do. I don't see myself in any position to interfere in the workings of things and simultaneously, I do not want to stand in their way, too

Not showing favoritism is my chief preoccupation. When I list down names in certain e-mails or SMSes, I try to do so in alphabetical order, not in any ranks of merits/ preference/ hierarchy. So, even if you are one of my closest friends, I'm sorry to say that I will not mention your name first, unless it begins with an 'A'. Haha. Again, trust me, it isn't worth paying $90 to the Singapore Deed Poll just to change your name, unless, that is, you have names like Ramboo Tan, Justin Credible, or Tyranny. LOL!

Okay, I am finally done. Now it's your turn to come up with yours. Even if I did not tag you here, you can always take this as an invitation to do the meme if you want to ;)

Thanks for reading, by the way (:

Your meme fan,

Perd.

Right Here Waiting (as posted on my Facebook profile :P)

2009-02-01T13:38:00.000+08:00

Haha. I am not exactly a fan of meme but I realize that I have been evading this particular meme for the umpteenth time (yeah, blame it on Blogger and LiveJournal!) :P Then, the coup de grâce came when Mat tagged me (not again :/) for it on Facebook, where 400-odd people can see that I have been tagged. Bleah.

LOL.

Okay, I should stop whining and here it goes...

1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
[I was using my friend's Mac and his song preference differs so much from that of mine so I had to resort to using my 1GB iPod Shuffle instead :P]

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
[Okay, I must make a disclaimer. I skipped all the non-English titles because it isn't cute to include some Indonesian or Korean songs, which would make many of you giving me the 'What The..?!' look :D]

4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
In The Ayer by Flo Rida
[Gosh, I can't imagine if I go, "Oh hot damn, this is my jam / Keep me partying till the A.M. / Y'all don't understand, make me throw my hands / In the ayer, ay, ayer, ayer, ay, ayer," when you say "Is this okay?" HAHA]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Thank You for the Music by ABBA
[Whoa, someone who is grateful for music and songs!? Okay, darn random but never mind x)]

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Bad Day by Daniel Powter
[Sheesh, the day just barely began and my iPod has to play this track!? I hope it won't adumbrate the rest of today, my precious Sunday :/]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Say It Isn't So by Gareth Gates
[Huh? The chorus goes like, "Say it isn't so / Tell me you're not leaving / Say you changed your mind now / That I am only dreaming / That this is not goodbye / This is starting over / If you wanna know / I don't wanna let go / say it isn't so." You connect the dots then. LMAO]

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Burnin' Up by Jonas Brothers
[Great, so I'm burning up, and "I'm sinkin' into the lava"...]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Look What You've Done by Jet
[Man, what the heck have I done!? Haha]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Through It All by Hillsong
[Well, my parents are indeed "forever in my life", and they do "see me through the seasons" ;)]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
No Worries by Simon Webbe
[Heh, maybe that's why oftentimes, I am optimistic - I don't worry so much :P]

WHAT IS 2+2?
Fergalicious by Fergie
[Whoa, to think I took H2 Maths at the A-levels. Haha]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Wherever You Will Go by The Calling
[Aww, so sweet and loyal of me, to be going wherever my best friend will go, "way up high or down low", if I could. Right!!? :P]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
What My Heart Wants to Say by Gareth Gates
[I told you I was using my 1GB iPod, that's why some artists might be repeated ;) Anyway, if that's the case, then I think of the person I like as "amazing, so amazing / Have I told [her] enough? / [She's] an angel, my guardian angel / God knows I, I've been blessed with love" (:]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Starlight by Muse
[Sheesh, the song goes, "I will be chasing the starlight / Until the end of my life / I don't know if it's worth it anymore." What a perfect epiphany at the end of my life. Touch wood it shan't come true *crosses fingers*]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade
[Huh? I don't want to be falling for you when I grow up leh :P]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Come, Now is the Time to Worship by Phillips Craig and Dean
[The person I like is from my Church? How come I didn't know that? ROFL]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Won't Let You Fall by Fergie
[I have dedicated parents, eh? Haha]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) by Wyclef Jean (feat. Akon and Lil' Wayne)
[God, this song is dangerous. First of all, what kind of wedding would mine be, with the bride and groom dancing to R&B/ Hip-Hop? Secondly, it isn't exactly a compliment to say that your wife-to-be "wined for the bill / Grind for the bill." -.-]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
King of Majesty by Hillsong United
[Wow, what a grand life would mine be. Heh]

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Heaven Knows by Rick Price
[Haha, this one is so accurate; I don't even know what to say when people ask me what are my pastimes. I'm too much a Jack-of-all-trades-but-master-of-none kind of person that I do not 'specialize' x)]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Start of Something New (High School Musical OST)
[I always enjoy learning about my friends, perhaps that's why each interaction could lead to the start of new exploration and discovery about them :D]

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Around the World by Aqua
[What could possibly go wrong when you go around the world? Haha]

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
This is My Desire by Hillsong
[What? It's my desire to die? Haha, I'm so weird! ;D]

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton
[What!? Okay, I can't connect this one. Heh]

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
That's What I Go to School For by Busted
[Yeah, my going to school is a joke. I didn't even know why did I go through all the curriculum for more than 12 years :P]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Everyday I Love You by Boyzone
[What a hopeless romantic I am, crying over cheesy lyrics like, "I don't know, but I believe / That some things are meant to be / And that you'll make a better me / Everyday I love you" :|]

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Every Breath You Take by Police
[Ya lor, can't you "see / You belong to me / How my poor heart aches / With every step you take?" Haha, man, why all my love-related questions seem to have retarded answers?]

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
F*ck It (I Don't Want You Back) by Eamon
[I don't know which one scares me more, people's anger, or not being wanted back :P]

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Free by Hillsong United
[Hmm, is that a pun? Like, no one likes me, that's why I'm "free" :D]

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Heaven by DJ Sammy
[Wow, I didn't know I have the power to do that. As if! Heh]

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
How Do I Live by LeAnn Rimes
[Yeah, what hurts is to "get through one night without you" :P]

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx
[Yeah, to those who are tagged, you better respond accordingly, because "wherever you go / Whatever you do / I will be right here waiting for you (to do this meme)". LOL!]

***

Okay, that's all. I hope you enjoy reading it. If not, then too bad, for you have wasted your time. HAHAHA, just kidding!

Your not-so-musically-inclined blogger,

Perd.

:|

2009-01-26T20:55:00.005+08:00

Heaven (Candlelight Mix) - DJ Sammy

Oh, thinking about all our younger years,
There was only you and me,
We were young and wild and free.
Now nothing can take you away from me.
We've been down that road before,
But that's over now.
You keep me coming back for more.

Baby you're all that I want.
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven.

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart.
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven.

Now, nothing could change what you mean to me.
There's a lot that I could say
But just hold me now,
Cause our love will light the way.

Baby you're all that I want.
When you're lying here in my arms
I'm finding it hard to believe
We're in heaven.

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart.
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven.

Now our dreams are coming true.
Through the good times and the bad
I'll be standing there by you.

(We're in heaven.)

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart.
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven.

I finally heard from you. Well, it's better late than never. HAHA.

Anyway, Happy Lunar New Year to all! (:

Perd.

Seize the Day

2009-01-19T23:27:00.002+08:00

And work has been rather incessant these few days that I have worked non-stop for 15 days without a single day of break.

Sure, it sure is fulfilling to be able to occupy yourself during this four-month holiday, while simultaneously making sure you are useful to the people around you, but I must say that I am really, really tired.

But that was before I came across this quote said by Grand Master Oogway in 'Kung Fu Panda' (LOL!):

"Don't be too concerned with what was and what will be.
Yesterday is history,
tomorrow is a mystery,
but today is a gift.
That is why it is called the present."

Instantaneously, I am reminded of the importance of seizing the day. Carpe diem, they say. I wouldn't recommend forgetting the past (because to a large extent, it does make up for a lot of your personal identity, all the experience you've had) nor dismissing the causal link between what you do now and its direct consequences in time to come, but let's take five and ruminate what is really important, not what was or what will be.

I do remember making a mental note to self at the beginning of this year to enjoy the finer things in life and I guess I have yet to succeed in that department. Ah, okay, I am soo going to bother less about work from now on (without compromising on my work performance, of course!).

Um, I kind of forgot what I wanted to say. Haha. Never mind, we shall continue when I can remember :P

I think I better go to sleep now so that I can skip that usual dose of latte tomorrow morning.

Oh by the way, Snot Head, welcome to my blog and enjoy your stay here (:

Good night, world!

Your blogger du jour,

Perd.

Hello, 2009 (:

2009-01-01T13:11:00.002+08:00

And here comes my maiden entry for 2009.

It's freaking me out how time really flies; in about two months' time, I will be 20 and that would mean I cease to be called a teenager. I never really liked that label (due to the oft-associated connotations) but still, knowing that you are no longer a teenager should at least make one apprehensive about the expectations of others.

I could say that I have no regrets living my last year as a teenager in the year 2008, but that would be lying.

As a matter of fact, I regret not studying hard enough for my A-levels; I regret not spending enough time with my friends; I regret not trying to know certain people well enough, and dozens other things. But again, all of them are now lost in the vast abysses of space and time.

I would prefer to forget about the past and continue to cherish the incoming year.

And then, you would ask me, "So what's your new year resolution?"

Bleah. I am never a fan of making resolution for one simple reason: I often find people chastising themselves for their perceived and self-inflicted shortcomings that they set extreme, unrealistic goals for themselves, and these goals are to be achieved within the duration of that one year. When we fail to keep resolutions, we'd usually start blaming ourselves when our goals are so absurd in the first place. Now, then, would we not feel worse than we first started?

Fine, you must think I am rambling. Haha. I think I need to catch some sleep after the recent stayover.

Happy new year and may 2009 be an awesome year for all of us!

Your soon-to-be-old blogger,

Perd.

Merry Christmas (:

2008-12-24T03:24:00.004+08:00

And so, it is that time of the year.

I haven't done much reflections about the year 2008 when the new 2009 will soon come to pass. Alas, I don't think I would have the luxury of time to really have some serious thinking. At least not with the way things are - with so little free time at my disposal.

In retrospect, I have indeed enjoyed the year 2008 thoroughly. Sure, it wasn't impeccable; certain things definitely did not go the way I wanted them to be. Nevertheless, I am grateful that as another year ceases, I gain so much more in return.

A-levels. Check.
Turning 19. Check.
Start working. Check.

Probably the list would be a long one and I could bore you to death if I were to specify the things I managed to do in the past 350-odd days.

This year, I decided to top my 'New Year Resolution' list with "Enjoy life more." I shall not go to the extent of embracing Epicureanism but instead, I aim to make myself see the finer things in life even more.

I apologize for the lack of transitions in this post.

I will see the new and improved you in the coming year (:

Before I leave, I would like to thank a particular 'you' for your Christmas card:

And thank you, pretty much, for simply being the person you are :D

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Season's greetings from http://just-perdana-and-you.blogspot.com :D

Perd.

If I were a girl...

2008-12-10T21:21:00.003+08:00

Act I, Scene I
Location Cafe Cartel, Plaza Singapura

Perd: Um, I think I have a problem.

Grimaces, looks down and keeps quiet. Eugene, Jerico and Priscilla jolted into coercing themselves to be quiet too, awkwardly, with their eyes wide open.

A few uncomfortable seconds later.

Jerico: What are you talking about?!
Perd: I don't know lei. It's like, it has been some time since I last liked someone and don't you think it's a bit weird?
Eugene: No lah, where got?
Priscilla: Ya lor, (anyone) must be liking someone all the time meh?
Perd: Huh? No meh? I think so lei.

Haha.

I think this is the closest the taciturn me will ever get to being privy to my blog readers because this post will be very personal. Yeah, the above is a re-enaction of a real past event. Oftentimes, I do wonder if I actually have feelings for someone because it has been almost two years since I stopped liking that girl. To protect the privacy of the said person, I shall make her anonymous but that's besides the point. What I want to say is, I was actually convinced by those three people with whom I had a tea-break that there's nothing wrong if it has been years since you last fell head over heels, even if at first it might sound as if you were abnormal or something. A mental note I made to self, I do not want to succumb to such mental trap. It is the kind of perception that traps many of us into a prison of regret and anxiety. Why can't you remain single if singlehood makes you happy? Would I be way better off if I had someone to report to and someone whose SMSes I have to reply even though I am busy? Granted, being in a relationship has its own long list of perks but for now, at the very least, I am rather happy with the status quo, until the moment comes for me. Nevertheless, please note that I do not judge you who are in a relationship; in fact, I am really happy for you :D

On another note, I remember posting this post about seven months ago, about the 21 little-known things guys wish girls knew about them. Before you judge me to be just another misogynistic male chauvinist whose male ego is bigger than his head, let me assure you that I am only incorporating the aforesaid 21 things into this purely for fun, with all due respect to all girls out there.

I am referring to Beyonce's If I Were A Boy

If I Were A Boy - Beyonce -

If I were a boy
Even just for a day
I’d roll out of bed in the morning
And throw on what I wanted and go
Drink beer with the guys
And chase after girls
I’d kick it with who I wanted
And I’d never get confronted for it
Cause they’d stick up for me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he’s taken you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
So they think
that I was sleeping alone
I’d put myself first
And make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’d be faithful
Waiting for me to come home (to come home)

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I’d be a better man
I’d listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted (wanted)
Cause he’s taken you for granted (granted)
And everything you had got destroyed

It’s a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake
Think I forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
You thought wrong

But you're just a boy
You don’t understand (yea you don’t understand)
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy…

Okay, now, I really love the song and I really respect the message behind this song because frankly, I have to admit that it does contain some kernels of truth, even if they are based on a rather stereotypical observation. I am not saying that the song is very true because I am trying to score some brownie points with any girl reading this blog (c'mon, I am not a loser, please. Attracting girls through blogs? Um, only when my damned last resort - getting a date via matchmaking services - fails, I guess, and that's hopefully in a zillion of years' time), though. But yeah, anyway, if I were to write a fraction of the song, I guess the lyrics would probably be something like this (it's gonna be contrived and cheesy, yeah?):

If I Were a Girl
(Originally written by Britney Carlson, Toby Gad, Beyonce Knowles)

If I were a girl
Even just for a day
I'd text him to know where he is,
What he's doing, well, everything
Gossip with the girls
And manicure all-day long
I'd prefer more time with my girlfriends
To watching that football match with him
Because I can't stand the heat

If I were a girl
I'd not want to understand
How it feels to be a guy
Cause being a girl is always the best
I will never trade
My vanity and pride
To confess 'I Love You' to him
Because it is always his job
So why must I relegate myself?

I told you, this is just for fun, don't get offended or call me names. Ah, by the way, if you think that I am writing all this because my last relationship didn't work out or I was traumatized by it, don't worry, she and I parted happily and as much as we enjoyed each other's company, we knew that things just wouldn't work out no matter how hard we try because the problem that we had was not about each other but rather, about ourselves (:

Wow, I can't believe I just typed something so private here. Well, there's always the first time for everything. But that's it for now. Haha!

I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
World someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own way.

Your self-declared-alpha-male blogger,

Perd.

So, you want to learn to prognosticate? Learn it from Facebook :P

2008-12-07T01:04:00.004+08:00

Haha.

It seems like you don't have to try very hard to foresee the future because Facebook.com actually enables you to predict what your friends will say about you, and the prophecy is sure to be accurate.

I don't kid people.

Look at this:

Wow, so cool, Facebook can actually see the future, that is, what your friends will say, in this instance.

Of course not! This is a very interesting technical glitch, I assume. At least I can criticize it for using the wrong tense. I mean, how can you "wrote" (past tense) something tomorrow (implying a future tense)? Haha. Anyway, you must have guessed that I am bored insofar as I actually post such an entry. You could be right, because I really don't know.

Okay, it's time to go to sleep. I am starting to make no sense.

Your kooky blogger,

Perd.

The Bucket List that I Thought I'd Lost

2008-12-03T04:01:00.003+08:00

Yeah, the title says it all. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, check out the attached photo to read my bucket list (well, sorry for short-changing you, though. There are fewer than 1000 words in that picture).

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

Yes, Mat, I know Mika's Happy Ending is "depressing" but the only reason why I set it as my ringtone is because, well, of the malaise of cynicism and despair in me :P

For all I know, the 'malaise' here could jolly well be literal; I missed the fun from the Prom day because of a terrible headache, which anchored me back to my bed at home. Grr. That's so loser, Perd, staying at home when everyone else was partying.

Haha. Okay, this dark humor thing is beginning to scare me.

Never mind, just listen to the song and see if you too can relate to it ;)

Happy Ending - Mika

Personally, I am not a fan of Mika myself. I only began to think the song wasn't bad when I heard it in one episode of Gossip Girl.

Okay, okay, I need to sleep - the headache isn't going away, yet :(

Your homebound blogger (as if staying at home would be a happy ending when it was the Prom night!),

Perd.

Have you ever thought why my blog is idiosyncratic?

2008-11-29T19:45:00.003+08:00

Of course, that is not a rhetorical question ;)

Today, I just read JFCC's November entry (which is weird, by the way, not idiosyncratic :P), where he admits that often, "some events, some thoughts, some reflections, just cannot be expressed in words and the more you try to relate in words (at least for me [him]), it gets stressful."

Tell me about it.

I Wiki-ed the word "blog" and Wikipedia defines it as:
a Web site, usually maintained by an individual with regular entries of commentary, descriptions of events, or other material such as graphics or video. Entries are commonly displayed in reverse-chronological order.

Now, let me tell you why my blog is idiosyncratic, pretty much an aberration of the typical, mainstream blogs according to the inveterate practice (no, I am not distinguishing mine from the rest of any other blogs, for each has its own merits and demerits that I would not say mine is superior). Just for the record, one of the most prominent differences would arguably be the content of my blog, what it is all about. I realize that this blog does not really have any "descriptions of events" happening in the life of the blogger (that's me, yay!). Yeah, maybe, I do write a little bit about what I do in a day but contrary to the more popular (and perhaps, more well-liked) approach, the things that I do rarely get much attention as they would otherwise get, if another blogger were to pen them down for me.

Some people postulate that blog could be used as an archival medium, that is, as an avenue for one to keep record of the things that they used to do, undeniably a big part of their memories. I don't disagree with this. Some years ago, writing in my journal and pasting some photos in my scrapbook were a daily ritual for me. I would dedicate the expected half hour before I go to bed to religiously document the day's events, feelings, reflections; I even had this section in my journal called the 'Epiphany du Jour', a page or two preserving the little new things I had learnt about myself or the people around me. By so doing, I gained immense satisfaction from engraving my past on paper, a way to immortalize something I am very proud of.

When I was eleven, my family and I went for a holiday to Bandung (a province in Java, Indonesia) and of course, it would be a cardinal sin for me to go anywhere sans my faithful Parker pen, the good ol' Polaroid camera, and most importantly, the trustworthy Paperchase diary. During the trip there, I was so preoccupied with chronicling every minute, name, place and people I encountered. I felt really great, being able to freeze each moment of my holiday.

Or so I thought.

On the last night of the aforementioned holiday, the benighted me was finally enlightened. At that point, I suddenly realized that nothing that I wrote could ever parallel or substitute the nonpareil few seconds I soaked myself in to enjoy the sublime experience of my holiday, the ineffable sights and sounds, the unforgettable tactile stimuli and so on (what a mouthful!). By being obsessed with putting my adventures in perspective, constantly looking at them from a third-person point-of-view (so that I could objectively put them down in my journal), I forgot to actually live them. By holding back on the emotions, I didn't allow myself to go all the way through them. By being too afraid to let my five senses take in the experience or to dive in all the way, what I got was a recollection of an incomplete past.

Now, fast forward eight years later, I only write in my diary (you're right, it's still the same old Paperchase, albeit one that is decrepit, dilapidated and worn out by long use, debilitated by the passage of time) when I need to contain very, very special thought or feeling. I still love to record the interesting quotations that strike me in books, or the thought-provoking lines from the movies I just watch (watch out, IMDb, my 'database' of memorable quotes is comparable to that of yours :D). I still take pictures, but not as often - only of the subjects I find resplendent, although most of the time they end up being yet another junk I upload to my Flickr photostream. Now, I am no longer preoccupied with having something to remember when I grow old. I have learnt that life will simply pass me by if I stay behind the lens of my camera, fixated on the sheer viewfinder, too busy trying to preserve the present so as to live it in the future (and I am not even talking about our propensity to be anachronistic yet).

That holiday almost a decade ago taught me one thing: I do not want to wake up one day and have nothing but a pile of pictures and notes. Admittedly, I may not have as many exact representations of people and places redolent of my younger years, and I may also not remember certain names or tunes. But again, at least part of the experience would stay within me, remaining in the inner sanctum of my mind - where it belongs, not in some fancy journals or ornate scrapbooks. I don't want to live to make memories; I just want to live, and the memories, they will form themselves.

In retrospect, I must admit that this would indubitably be one of my most memorable epiphanies. Ironically, it is also one that did not make it to the 'Epiphany du Jour' segment of my journal because I ceased to utilize it the moment I realized that living isn't about just the past. It is about, well, living. The past may mould the 'you' today, but that's where its utility ends; no matter what has happened, what matters is where you go from where you are today, because as long as you continue to live, the hands of time continue to tick, and life, is a journey that never ends until you reach that final 'destination' of yours.

Therefore, if you want to find out what I just did today by checking out my blog, you're free to do so, but don't blame me for a state of stasis induced by that :P

Your no-longer-trapped-in-a-time-capsule blogger,

Perd.

And I thought the A-levels was exasperating enough...

2008-11-27T05:23:00.004+08:00

Okay, I know this is way too early to start thinking about the subject you want to read at university but you know, if you want to start, it's never really too early (notice the effect, the larger contribution and the significance of the figure of speech of epanalepsis in the sentence :P).

I found this website of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) - currently ranked the world's No. 9 - which provides the bulk of their lecture notes, assignments, tests and other documents online for free. You should check out the study materials for the courses you might probably consider taking up later because it isn't the wisest thing to do to get a mismatched Bachelor's degree in a major you'd dread for the rest of your life.

Some of you may know that I have always wanted to do Law or Accountancy. Sheesh, now looking at the lecture notes for those courses makes me ruminate if I should even continue with that plan. Yeah, I know what course I would eventually take is contingent on my A-level results but assuming that I get to choose what I want to do, a degree in English Literature seems more appealing now (at least viscerally, if not intellectually) notwithstanding that a degree in Literature is deemed to be facile that it is not worth very much in our pragmatic world.

But hey, if this is the kind of path I have to travel along for the next few decades of my life, I better ensure that whatever I do, at least I choose it by sufferance (like, with a lack of objection rather than actual approval), if deeply loving the career choice I make is impossible.

Yeah, I recommend you too check out the website and explore their study materials so as to simulate how attending a lecture at the university is like. It may not be a perfect simulacrum, but undoubtedly one that is decent nevertheless.

This, I emphasize, is just a suggestion on my part; if you think any form of studying during your A-level break is a taboo, then by all means, just watch me trying it out. Haha.

Your trying-to-be-precocious blogger,

Perd.

Bleah, I got tagged, again.

2008-11-25T00:06:00.003+08:00

This is the third time I saw my name being mentioned in a friend's blog for a quiz and I decided I shall evade no longer. Thanks a lot, Val, B and Sofia. Haha.

Below are the ten weird things/ habits/ little-known facts about me (I am not sure if they are weird enough but I shall just jot them down nevertheless):
1) I eat a lot, like, medium serving of meals at about four-hour interval, yet I have never gone beyond 55 kilograms. The last time I checked, my average meal intake is about 3, 000 calorie each day.
2) I will try to dodge most people I know if I bump into them somewhere. I don't really welcome the line, "Eh, you're here, too?!"
3) I can talk to people when I am alone with them but when I am with a group of people (even with only three of us around), I would probably keep quiet and be a singular entity, pretending I myself do not exist.
4) When I am nice to someone, I am usually darn nice but when I dislike someone, I can be the meanest male bitch you have ever met.
5) I would insist on being the last person to end a chain of SMS. That is to say, even if I am the one starting to converse with you via SMSes, I would still ensure that the "goodbye" come from me, and none of your SMS to me gets received without a reply (now you know why my replies are often contrived or trite, hehe).
6) I often deliberately 'appear offline' on MSN but many a time, I'd feel dejected if no one asks me, "Eh, are you appearing offline?", or something of the sort.
7) Based on many occurrences, gays find me 'gay-friendly' that I have umpteen experience where guys tease me or try to get close. Alas, the same doesn't apply for girls (-.-).
8) My mother tongue is indubitably Bahasa Indonesia but now, I dream in English (and rarely, but substantially, in Chinese), even if the place I dream about is somewhere I recall from my childhood home in Jakarta. This, despite the fact that I started taking English lessons only after I turned 12.
9) I don't really play the typical games that your ordinary guy would play, like, DotA, soccer, billiard, or those console-based ones, but I read a lot of magazines, bake, make scrapbooks, take photos - basically those things usually associated with girls. Hmm, this one is really odd. Haha.
10) I find being able to contradict oneself intriguing.

And so, now, I am supposed to tag ten people who also have to do the same thing on their blogs. I doubt many of these people would adhere to this 'informal coercion' (c'mon, c'mon, I've got to be realistic, haha) but here they are, the people whom I think have certain unearthed weird habits (haha!):
1) Julian Foo (you're a hardcore weirdo; I am really curious what are the weird things about you, as if what I already know weren't enough, haha!)
2) Amanda Chan
3) Shaun Chua
4) Eugene Hong
5) Verine Yeo
6) Xiuwen
7) Ernica Ding
8) Vivian Lim
9) Wai Ying
10) Jin Zhuang

I wanted to list down some more names, but I don't want to add to the 'weirdness' status you just conferred upon me (after reading this post) by setting my own rules :P

Your weird and eccentric, um, also, unique blogger,

Perd.

Being young is about making choices - or so I believe...

2008-11-24T00:56:00.003+08:00

December, the Yuletide season, is fast approaching. I don't really have much time to spare for blogging these days since it's post-A holiday, which makes it all the more enticing to just go out the whole day and play because technically, this is the last chance I am going to have a holiday fully for myself, before the commitments commonly synonymous with adults suffocate me, removing all the childhood innocence.

I went to the Terminal 3 last night after meeting ZT at Pasir Ris. It was supposed to be a "Me, Myself and I" kind of day because I just wanted to isolate myself (it is often "through isolation and the rejection of others we find ourselves", quoting from a question for Literature Paper 5 I did before), armed with:

I spent about five hours at the Tosto Cafe at T3 from 12 midnight to 5am to read those books while listening to my iPod. Okay, practically, I had the full two hours out of those five to myself, before B happened to see me, because he too was having his very own "Me, Myself and I" day! Haha. What a coincidence. Being a weird occurrence that it was, the two of us couldn't stop laughing when we realized how silly it was that we ended up meeting each other when we were supposed to isolate ourselves at that remote corner of Singapore. Well, it's a small Singapore, after all.

Anyway, if you are wondering, the five books I borrowed from the Library that day are, from the top to the bottom:
- 'It's OK If You're Clueless' by Terry McMillan (excellent book - read my informal recommendation below)
- 'Tuesdays with Morrie' by Mitch Albom (I'm reading the first publication, this time applying whatever I have learnt from the two-year Literature course in JC)
- '50 Successful Harvard Application Essays' (because I'm contemplating a Degree taken in a US University)
- '1600 Perfect Score - The 7 Secrets of Acing the SAT' (same as above, and because I want to re-take my SAT I in January 2009)
- 'This Book is Not Required' by Inge Bell (to see if a College education is worth all the pain it demands).

Gee, I realized that I was more efficient yesterday than during my A-level revision period because I finished about 80 per cent of everything in less than five hours! Ironic much, eh?

Oh, speaking of which, it reminds me about the title of this post. I personally recommend you a mini-read:

This book is arguably what you need to chart your future now that you are at the intersection of life, knowing a little of what lies ahead of you. The book is packed with witty remarks yet it is laden with aphorisms that set your current circumstance in perspective. A quote found in the book that I want to share with you today:

"Don't listen to your parents. Of course they mean well, but you can't live out their dreams, you have to find your own. If for whatever reason they don't like the path you choose, tough nuggies. It's your turn to live your life. They already chose theirs. So, if Dad always hoped you'd be a doctor (like he is) or Mom always wanted you to be the first lawyer in the family but you want to make music videos or drive a racecar or paint or be a makeup artist or crunch numbers - then go for it."

I particularly like the tip number 10, 'Life Should Be an Adventure, Not Some Predictable Experience' (copyright belongs to Penguin Group (USA) Incorporated, 2006):

If at eighteen you've already figured out exactly how you plan to live your whole life, you're probably on the road to becoming a boring and unyielding person. A plan is not a bad thing but know that the quality of your life will be determined by a lot of things: mostly how you handle the unexpected detours that threaten your smooth plan and all the ups and downs that will certainly come your way. These are the biggest tests of character. It's called Life 101. It's what happens when you've planned something else. So take that belly dancing class. Make love on the beach at night. Go on and jump off the cliff and fly over the earth or dive into the royal blue sea with your eyes wide open. Kick your feet hard. Do the things that scare you. Say yes when you want to and don't worry about what people will think. They will judge you regardless, so let that be their problem. Do everything you can to make your life the most unforgettable experience ever so that by the time you're forty or seventy, you won't have a million regrets but amazing memories you might want to share with your kids one day. But then again, maybe not!

Hmm, I honestly felt as if my own inner voice were reverberating the first time I read those lines. So, go to the nearest Library and borrow it! Haha.

Your undecided blogger,

Perd.

He studies; he studies not...

2008-11-18T04:14:00.005+08:00

This is irritating.

The wait to Literature Paper 5, that is.

I really cannot wait for the A-levels to end, but the passage of time seems to be decelerating these days. Perhaps, I have been playing too much and since hedonism isn't really in me, I find it boring to play non-stop.

Firstly, my DotA crashed when I downloaded this random map halfway and I am too lazy to fix it for now. Secondly, my Second Life avatar is sooo dumb I feel like killing him (yeah, I am a megalomania, don't you forget):

I wanted to clothe him, but the system refused to budge so I made him fly the entire island like that. Haha.

Fine, I know I need to get down to some serious studying.

Bleah, I want them to deliver my Sims 3 by the end of this week. Why must they take until a week before my 20th birthday in 2009 just to finalize the game?

Okay, okay, this is impulsive, obsessive and compulsive behavior. I need to stop being self-indulgent. Maybe, I should start with sleeping now, since it is almost 6am ;)

Good night world, um, morning - for now.

Your temporally-disoriented blogger,

Perd.

November 21st is indeed, the Time for me to fly...

2008-11-15T02:13:00.005+08:00

Of course I am talking figuratively!

I happened to chance upon this song by the Jonas Brother, 'Time for Me to Fly' (recorded back in 2004, before they became the "phenomenon" that they are now, and before those hormones changed their voice):

Time for Me to Fly - Jonas Brothers

I've been wasting my time
I've been losing my mind
I've been running races
Still don't know what I've been chasing
But my eyes still can see
Bluer skies that wait for me
And I'm on my way

Time for me to fly
Time for me to soar
Time for me to open up my heart and knock on heaven's door
Time for me to live
It's time for me to sing
Time for me to lay down all my worries and I'll spread my wings
Time for me to fly

The earth can be a heavy ride
When those clouds are in your eyes
But I feel a calling
I will rise, I won't be falling
And I'll escape the gravity
And I'll reach my destiny
And I'll fly away

Time for me to fly
Time for me to soar
Time for me to open up my heart and knock on heaven's door
Time for me to live
It's time for me to sing
Time for me to lay down all my worries and I'll spread my wings
Time for me to fly

Time for me to fly
The gates of heaven will open wide
I will be
I will rise
There won't be compromise
As I take to the open skies

1-2-3-4

Time for me to fly
Time for me to soar
Time for me to open up my heart and knock on heaven's door
Time for me to live
It's time for me to sing
Time for me to lay down all my worries and I'll spread my wings

I will fly away
I will fly away
I will fly away
Oh we're gonna fly away
I will fly away
I will fly away
I will fly away

Time for me to fly
Time for me to soar
Time for me to open up my heart and knock on heaven's door
Time for me to live
It's time for me to sing
Time for me to lay down all my worries and I'll spread my wings
Time for me to fly

I personally find the lyrics meaningful because it paints a typical picture of a coming-of-age tale, when an angsty teenage is centrifugally pulled from all the different directions, and all that he wants is to break free.

Yeah, I know this is a tad late, but now, is my time to finally fly.

Just one more paper before the A-level is officially over!!!

Your young-at-heart blogger,

Perd.

I'm blogging even before Nov 21 :P

2008-11-12T22:20:00.006+08:00

Haha.

Looks like I can never stay true to my own words. Despite promising myself not to blog until I really end my A-levels, I cannot help succumbing to the blogging itch.

I have only one more Literature paper left, after which I am really a free man, no longer deprived from doing whatever I like.

A-levels has been so-so thus far; I could have done better, knowing I didn't put in my best, but in everything, I am still glad for what I have done. Frankly speaking, the doubt for my A-level results is greater and the apprehension deeper as compared to the O-levels. But again, I am not going to think so much about it, given the teleologist in my blood :D

On a slightly different note, I have been given "provisional approval" as an MOE relief teacher:

(N.B.: Those who also applied for this around the time period I did, do check your status soon!)

I am taking this opportunity to try how it is like being a teacher. I have always contemplated joining the Ministry because those online tests I have taken, all of them corroborate one another in the sense that they agree on one thing: teaching is a career that suits me the best. I am not sure where that would bring me to but in any case, I shall just go with the flow and try out relief teaching for once.

Aargh, I am so bored, having nine days before I sit for my last paper.

But never mind, once I am done playing hard and catching up with those people whom I owe meeting-ups to, I am going to, among other things:
1) resume my driving lesson;
2) dye my hair;
3) hit the gym more often, to define those latent muscles (as if!);
4) study for SAT, this time perhaps with some SAT II tests, because I really want to retake SAT all over again to secure an even better result;
5) read dozens of books I never had the chance to because the study of Literature in English at the A-levels has made me too much a critic of literature that I cannot stop thinking about the onomatopoeia, assonance, epithet and whatnot each time I pick a new book so I am about to start reading with a tabula rasa;
6) travel (read: backpack) to Australia or some remote corner of the Asian continent and really broaden my horizon after being confined in this quasi-prison of the Republic of Singapore (LOL!).

Oh, man, now I cannot wait for Nov 21 to come so that I can bid farewell to the mountain of notes and textbooks and tutorial sheets and what-have-you, which all have been plaguing my life for the past 24 months ;)

Ah, I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel...

Your soon-to-be-free blogger,

Perd.

P.S.: Sorry for being such a source of exasperation - if you still have some papers left to study, press on! I shall stop provoking you by boasting that I have nine days left! x)

The Battle is finally here, in 36 hours' time...

2008-11-01T20:17:00.003+08:00

Dad: You seem pretty laid-back in your revision.
Me: I do? Dunno. I can't really tell; I am too busy trying to feed my poor brain with irrelevant information that I would just throw away once I have sit for my papers.
Dad: Hmm, like that, (you should be going to) Australia or US already lah?
(Me grimaces).

***

I will not be blogging (really!) until Nov 21, I suppose, when my Literature Paper 5 ends. I am seriously under-prepared, despite my (almost) non-stop revision for the papers coming the next three weeks. Often, I really wish my taking the A-levels were just a dreary PC game, an insipid movie, a nightmare, so that I could just 'quit', walk out of the cinema, or wake up (respectively).

But I know this is for real.

Perhaps I shouldn't have taken this route, considering the myriad of options an O-level holder like me could have chosen. I don't know, really.

Shakespeare says in As You Like It, "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players".

Bleah, then it looks like I didn't get a very nice role...

L.O.V.E. (:

2008-10-31T00:38:00.003+08:00

I have been listening to radio for the past few days (while I try to salvage my future, which is contingent on the A-level results that I get, pretty much) and boy, I experienced some great moments of nostalgia as the radio station(s) I was tuning in to played certain love songs that actually remind me of my earlier teenage days.

I did take some time to recall and Google the titles of the songs but anyway, here I am sharing them with you (in no particular order of preference), with some of their most memorable lines (at least for me) embedded. Enjoy, while you are revising! :D

Luther Vandross and Mariah Carey - Endless Love
Endless Love - Luther Vandross & Mariah Carey
And love
and, love
I'll be a fool
For you,
I'm sure
You know I don't mind
Oh, you know I don't mind

Bad English - When I See You Smile
When I See You Smile - Bad English
Sometimes I wanna give up
I wanna give in,
I wanna quit the fight
And then I see you baby
And everything's alright,
everything's alright

Richard Marx - Now And Forever
Now And Forever - Richard Marx
Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage
in my head
You make sense of madness when my sanity
hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seam to understand
Now and forever
I will be your man

Damage - Forever
Forever (Lady Of Soul) - Damage
We've had our fun, and we've made mistakes
But who'd have guessed along that road
We'd learn to give and take
It's so much more than I could have dreamed
You make loving you

Yeah, some are cheesy, sappy and hyperbolic but after all, love is arguably one of the few things that should not be subjected to litotes, methinks :P

Your lovable blogger,

Perd.

And really, I do believe that...

2008-10-30T01:25:00.002+08:00

...if God brings me to it, He will bring me through it.

I thought I'd not even be eligible for admission into a JC, given my overlooking a quarter of the 'O' English paper. But look at where I am now.

I might sound like a fatalist, a determinist, if you know me, but I am not going to give up.

I don't think I've studied a lot, but I do find the solace in knowing that whatever I know should be enough to get me those grades.

To all of you out there: keep believing in yourselves, and one day, we will get there (:

Happy revising!

One last post before my A-levels, promise :P

2008-10-27T00:43:00.004+08:00

Lethal

I was Facebooking and I, and I finally,
Saw a picture of you.
A tad different from that in my memory
but nevertheless it makes me miss, well, you.
I remember when you used to be sitting next to me
In that café with me and conspicuously a cup of cocoa-infused coffee.
You haven't changed; you still have that unceasing innocence affixed on your face.
The memories flashed back, although not all are happy, looking back ('cos I am no longer that blithe).
Now I laugh at myself for my foolishness
And not to mention, my mindlessness.
But again, have not Love, I am nothing.
Love is something that is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
The voice of yours (often) reverberate through my ears
But I know you probably won't even want to hear.
Yeah, yeah, another night, another day,
What can I say?

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love, of course, Love never fails

This is my 150th post

2008-10-25T23:57:00.004+08:00

I know this is gonna be me rambling but I just can't help it. Blame it on the malaise, on the ennui - even if it sounds like a bunch of malarkey to you - but I am so, very, highly unprepared for the A-levels, which incidentally, is starting in 8 days' time.

I wish everything were more surreal (more than it is now) although I often kind of miss reality.

I am honestly trying very hard to get my (oft-tenuous) equilibrium back but I am failing terribly, alas, with it leading to the corollary of a concomitant corrosion of my life.

Come 3rd of November 2008, I shall hitherto face the greatest internal conflict: preserving my sanity vis-à-vis preparing for my General Paper, Geography, Economics, English Literature and yes, the coup de grâce, Mathematics.

Sometimes, I wish I had submitted my SAT results (ain't bad, y'know, 2200) but many a time, the voice in my heart insists that it would actually be a poisoned chalice.

Ah, again, que sera, sera. Right?

Now, I am just hoping I am not impersonating Boey Kim Cheng with his "irrevocable tendency towards reality", no matter how alluring his existentialist or ontological journey might be, sometimes.

See you after I am done with the 2008 Singapore-Cambridge General Certificate of Education (Advanced Level) then; I am on my way to emerge as victor, indubitably.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself :D

Your A-level Candidate,

Perd.

Biarlah setiap atur nafasku diisi udara kasihmu (:

2008-10-24T21:08:00.002+08:00

It dawned on me, at last, that I have not spoken in Malay for eons and therefore, allow me to satiate that longing (albeit temporarily) by dedicating a Malay title for this post. It's so random but I guess I shall not translate it into English lest I risk damaging the poetry in it :P

Anyway, revision has not been really good because I am not studying as much as I have to.

But let's not even talk about it here.

On a more interesting note, there is something deliquescent in school these days: I begin to involve myself in a 'story' to come. I won't tell so much but although it isn't very cherubic, the 'story' is not diabolical entirely, too (:

Well, I think Counting Crows' Accidentally in Love would suffice in illustrating the status quo:

Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows

So she said, "What's the problem baby?"
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love

Hmm, do detect the pun and irony I intended to incorporate in choosing the song :P

Yes, this entire thing is an accident, man. The timing, the person, the act of courtship in itself :S

Your random blogger,

Perd.

Educating (and did you say, liberating?) the minds?

2008-10-21T16:18:00.003+08:00

I always thought that education - despite the much-proclaimed benefits it confers upon one - is nothing but a mere manifestation of human nature: eat others, or thou shall be eaten. I know functionalists see education as useful in allocating social roles (yes, Marx, I noted you did say, "From each according to his ability, to each according to his needs") but nevertheless, I guess the conflict theorist in me sees education more as mere means to perpetuate the unfair societal stratification system already put in place. Those who can afford to tap into this prized (allegedly!) panacea would secure for themselves a bright future and those who cannot, um, let's not even talk about their plight when we cannot do anything to help them, shall we?

Anyway, I chanced upon this article, courtesy of New Internationalist (http://www.newint.org/issue180/keynote.htm, Date of Access: October 21 2008) and boy, I really find it thought-provoking and entertaining at the same time. At least, now I know one more person shares my point of view. Quickly read through it so it will not take up so much of your revision time (you are students, after all):

Everyone has a marvellous intellect which could develop if education
were not a political weapon. Judy Gahagan tells the story.

And on the first day they pile in through the door: noisy, shy, neat, untidy, polite, cheeky, dreamy, practical. The door is the school door, they the world's intellectuals. Who are the world's intellectuals? They are all people everywhere - but only on that first day. For humans have minds with power beyond the scope of any imaginable computer... to start with.

It's hard to stop them at the beginning. They will experiment and theorize, take things to pieces and reassemble them. They will invent, dream, tell jokes and stories, sing and cook and dance. They will help manage the classroom. They will help each other and look after the little ones. In short, they will use all of their brains. For these are still whole people.

And what will school do for them? If they are lucky, school will expand all that mind power in special ways. It will fill the gaps in their community's knowledge as snugly as a piece in a jigsaw. People can learn anywhere, but school will develop and focus their intelligence, will nurture all their talents. If they are lucky. But most of them won't be lucky. Whether they apparently succeed, or obviously fail, most of them will emerge more damaged than when they went in. The greater part of the world's brain power is unused, paralyzed or distorted.

But it's not the fault of schools or teachers. They, together with the potential they are supposed to nurture, are casualties in that monstrous power struggle we call civilization. School is used as a filter to identify and train the future holders of power. As for the rest it is obvious that if they used all their minds and talents, they would be even harder to subjugate and exploit than they are at the moment. So school is a place that ensures that such a thing never happens. And even the teachers don't seem to know what's going on.

Do you remember those long-ago days of beans growing in jars? Of wall-charts about everything from earthworms to Aztecs? Do you remember the reading corners and spelling bees; the quiet hour for sums and writing, the songs and games? That was the beginning. You took your whole mind to school and brought it home again, intact. But as time went on, some things you could do began to be much more important than other things you could do. You and your mind seemed to be being squeezed through a funnel that got narrower and narrower.

Maybe you'd been good at making complicated models of little cars. But later it was only geometry that was important. You liked geometry, but you liked making things as well. Or you'd loved making up fabulous stories. But later they only wanted you to compare and contrast other people's stories. You'd been especially good at helping the little ones, and stopping people bullying, and getting unpopular ones included. 'Quite a knack,' they'd always said. But later that didn't seem to be important at all.

And gradually it became clear that only a few people were really good at the things the teachers thought were important. Most people were not up to much. And some were hopeless. Yet at the beginning nobody had ever noticed whether people were better than each other at all. Because it hadn't seemed of any importance.

And then, one day, you noticed a huge gate just by the school exit. It was labelled Public Examination System. It was a special gate because, however hard you all pushed. it only opened wide enough to let a few through it. A notice on the gate said that if you did get through it you would have an important position and a lovely life. You noticed that teachers seemed to prefer people who looked like they'd get through the gate.

And one thing was very clear it was impossible to get through the gate with all your skills and knowledge. They were far too bulky and couldn't be wrapped up tightly or neatly enough. So you had to get some pieces of paper on which you'd written the answers to some questions. The answers were supposed to represent all your skills and knowledge. And the questions were things like: what are the principles of x? or X-a+b(x-yk)=? or compare and contrast X with Y, or translate A into B. You had to write them very fast or they didn't count. Nor did the questions you would have liked to ask. Or the answers you would have liked to have given.

By this time you always studied on your own. You couldn't let anyone see your work in case they copied it and managed to squeeze through the gate ahead of you. You knew the fewer the people pushing at the gate, the better your chances of getting through. But by this time lots of people had stopped bothering about the gate altogether.

Many of them spent their time doing things that, at the beginning, had been important - like Childcare, or Drama, or Carpentry. But now they didn't seem to enjoy doing them much any more. Because there was a rumour going round that people who spent their time doing those things were thick. And some of them, annoyed by this rumour, spent their time fighting and smashing up the equipment and being rude to the teachers.

Nevertheless, everyone knew the system was fair. It was obvious. After all, the ones who were going to get through the gate were called Very Able Children. The ones who went on trying were called Average Ability. And the rest were called either Below Average, or Below Average With Behaviour Disorders, depending on whether they smashed the place up or not.

And, at last, school (and usually any other kind of study) was over and WORK began. The ones who'd managed to get through the gate were a mixed bunch. One or two of them were still as talented as they had been on that first day. And now they had multi-faceted trained minds. They still noticed the countryside and other people; they were always curious and never stopped learning.

But some of the others were weird. There were brilliant scientists who spent their lives working on germs and nerve gases to exterminate everybody. There were lots who worked 18 hours a day trying to keep ahead of each other. They never noticed the sunshine and they feared sudden death. There were others who worked in tiny labyrinths where nobody else ever went. They looked as if their bodies were full of sawdust and they never talked to you.

And the rest? Well they slotted in more or less where they could. A few of them, mostly women, even went on tending their minds, for their lives were filled with multidimensional and creative problems to be solved (though no-one called what they were doing 'work'). Nevertheless for most, something had changed. They knew now that there were lots of things they were No Good At. So they left lots of questions and problems to Those In Charge (who had been Very Able Children), even though Those In Charge often seemed to be making a terrible cock-up of it.

But in fact it didn't really matter whether they used their minds or not - because they were living in a Modern Civilization, and they could never get bored. At the press of a button they got instant Fun. And if they felt creative they could go Shopping and choose things.

In the poor world (which was still Uncivilized) things were a bit different. A few people, hidden away in remote spots, had been rather like the children on the first day. Only they had no schools and they hadn't needed to invent the alphabet. But they were very inventive in other ways.

There were ocean dwellers who could navigate across thousands of miles of featureless water with no instruments beyond their own senses. There were forest dwellers who had observed minutely the medicinal properties of plants. There were islanders who could actually solve the biggest conundrum of all how to resolve human conflict without destroying the earth while you resolve it. They were no fools! The funny thing about these people was that everybody in the community knew about and was able to do just about everything. There were no Great Men, or Geniuses, or Professional Experts. But when Civilization came pounding in, many of these people and their skills were obliterated.

The people who brought Civilization thought the poor could make their resources much more profitable. So they decided to help them. Because these civilized people were educated, they only noticed the things the poor couldn't do, and not the things they could do. They thought that education could help. They remembered their own schools back home, especially The Big Gate; how it let just enough people through to organize things (for they didn't want to have to stand over the poor while they made themselves more profitable); and how school made the rest employable (for the most part); and, best of all, how everyone knew The Big Gate was fair, for the experts who had invented it had proved that people do not have equal brain power, so naturally The Big Gate only let the clever ones through.

So into forest and veldt and mountain and plain came a curious rash of schools. At the start many of them were not much more than a corrugated iron roof, in which children learned reading, how to cover their private parts, and the Bible. But as things got off the ground, many poor countries began to reap the benefits of advanced school systems: Latin mottos, school hymns, uniforms, sports day and esprit de corps. And the ones who had been selected to stand around making sure everything got more profitable could incarcerate their children in boarding schools (at huge expense) to be tormented and bullied and turned into rulers in their turn.
But unfortunately there were small pockets of discontent. In the rich world some teachers were getting fed up with being blamed for producing dead-eyed children who smashed the place up, and with having to compete with Fun and Shopping for their pupils' attention. They began thinking up ways of changing things. Some of them even suggested that pupils should do whatever they liked, or even recommended the abolition of schools altogether. But whatever they did, they never managed to get rid of The Big Gate, although sometimes they tried painting it different colours or covering it with camouflage. It was all very confusing.

But in the poor world it was clear as crystal most people there lived in the countryside where, money being short, there were very few schools. So they had to walk miles to the nearest ones. And often they weren't very healthy, for they were nearly always hungry (because now, being profitable, they had no land on which to grow food, nor money with which to buy it). And, not having much Fun or Shopping to divert their attention, they saw clearly that hardly anyone was getting through The Big Gate - even those who lived in towns - and hardly anyone knew how to do the things that their forebears had known. And although they were no longer part of The Empires Where The Sun Never Set, it was clear that everything was being controlled from elsewhere. And the skills of the first day, the ones that their forebears had had, were the only ones which could make things any better. Not only that, it was clear that The Very Able Children could not be trusted to use their knowledge for everyone's benefit.

So just a few of them began to set up their own schools. And in those schools they learned everything they needed to get some purchase on their lives: from Fish Farming to Small Arms Handling, from Marxism to Childcare. Their Reading and Writing was not about Little Red Engine, but about How Things Work - and about Who's Really In Charge Around Here.

And a few teachers in the rich world saw this and realized how they and their pupils had been hoodwinked. And they wanted to bring back all the knowledge and skills of the first day. And make people see that Knowledge Is Power. And to realize that all the Fun and Shopping in the world cannot compensate for the atrophy of their marvellous brains, and their helplessness in the hands of the moguls. But they could only get a few people to listen.

I would say that she could sound too cynical for some of you but again, it is indubitable that so much truth is cogently expressed.

Fine, it is ironic how I post this blog like, less than two weeks to my A-levels when I pretty much cannot free myself from this 'prison'.

But yeah, happy studying, still (:

Your radical learner,

Perd.

In the end, I've got only myself (:

2008-10-15T19:05:00.007+08:00

Well, I am not trying to be cynical here but sometimes, when it comes to dealing with people, I cannot help but thinking that it is inadvertent that at the end of everything, I only have myself.

For one, people could be too capricious that I know any efforts put in to fully fathom them would be futile. I might sound a little abstract but really, if you superimpose whatever I am saying over real-life people, you would find that it isn't so abstract after all.

Well, I do not know, neither do I wish to know.

Perhaps, I am disillusioned of some people. But again, I shouldn't really have much expectations in the first place and therefore, I can only blame myself for that. Perhaps, blame it on the preponderance of fair-weather friends in my life; okay, I know that sounds like one darn astringent criticism but please, do not think I am insinuating anything much here.

For all you know, you are not to blame (or are you?).

Well, I do not know, neither do I wish to know.

When they say that ignorance is bliss, I really wish I was that naive. I really wish I did not attain certain knowledge that utterly destroys all the placating thoughts, never mind if they were deceitful. At least I have my innocence intact, no?

Yeah, SK, the truth shall set you free. Indeed, I have no objections to it. But whether that acquired freedom is better than the initial confinement or not, I do not know (even as my diction seems to already hint my stand).

Ah, friends, let's just forget whatever I just said. What used to matter no longer matters now. I know I should not entirely give up the present just because of the inexorably bleak future but maybe, the idiom, "Once bitten, twice shy", does contain some kernel of truth in it. Cogito, ergo sum (I think, therefore I am); probably I should change it to "I learn, therefore I am". I would argue that a fundament anchoring our very existence is our capacity to learn. Ergo, upon learning that there is often vainness in remaining optimistic about the future, isn't it just logical to stop doing so?

The Wikipedia article I chanced upon made me re-visit the notion of 'friendship'. It is defined as:

"...a term used to denote co-operative and supportive behavior between two or more beings. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, and affection and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis. Friends will welcome each other's company and exhibit loyalty towards each other, often to the point of altruism. Their tastes will usually be similar and may converge, and they will share enjoyable activities. They will also engage in mutually helping behavior, such as exchange of advice and the sharing of hardship. A friend is someone who may often demonstrate reciprocating and reflective behaviors. Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them."

Haha, this is such a joke I make out of myself and those around me.

Anyway, I am glad to rely just on myself instead of the erratic others. Hmm, by the way, I am dedicating this song, 'Jenny' by Click Five, which just came to mind:

Jenny - The Click Five

She calls me baby, then she won't call me.
Says she adores me and then ignores me.
Jenny, what's the problem?
She keeps her distance and sits on fences.
Puts up resistance and builds defenses.

Jenny, what's the problem?
You leave me hanging on the line.
Every time you change your mind.

First You say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
I"m standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny, it's killing me.

She needs her own space. She's playing mind games.
Ends up at my place saying that she's changed.
Jenny, what's the problem?
I'm trying to read between the lines.
You got me going out of my mind.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
I'm standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny, it's killing me. It's killing me. It's killing me.
Jenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and I'm not moving on.
I'm standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny.

First, you say you won't, then you say you will.
You keep me hanging on, and we're not moving on.
I'm standing still, Jenny. You got me on my knees.
Jenny. It's killing me. It's killing me. Jenny.

Replace the name "Jenny" with anything else and there you have it - a one-size-fits-all kind of lamentation of some sort. Haha. On second thought, I don't really think you "got me on my knees" but who cares?

All right, it shall stop here, for I know that this post has been so arbitrary that you cannot make head nor tail of it.

Eh, wait, that is the purpose :P

I did say I am idiosyncratic, didn't I? Haha.

Your obfuscating blogger,

Perd.

P.S.: They say that the A-levels is a selfish endeavor because it is man-eating-man kind of game. Well, now I see the truth in that. It is more than just an examination; it is a sort of microcosm that parallels the cruel, ruthless society as a whole - it's all about the Survival of the Fittest (read: those who can sleep less to read those notes for the umpteenth time, those who forego more time for nurturing friendship and building bonds, those who chalk up more Maths or Science Olympiads, ...) - notwithstanding the hefty opportunity cost involved.

And so, I graduated from St Andrew's Junior College on the 9th of October 2008 (well, technically speaking).

2008-10-11T23:06:00.004+08:00

Yes, Farewell Assembly was held on Thursday.

I know it is a mere facade because after all, I still have to come back to school for Econs/ Lit/ Maths/ Geog lectures/ consultations/ mock exams and whatnot but truth be told - notwithstanding my reticent nature - I kind of miss SAJC already.

Reading Quek's entry dated 11 Oct 2008 activated the nostalgia mode of mine: o7A06, the name that is redolent of the good ol' days. Looking through the archive of my class blog, I began to miss the tintinnabulation of the College bell at 7:30am (being a dilatory student myself, I often heard the bell as I ran to make it just in time for assembly), the oh-so-contrived morning prayers (with all due respect, nevertheless; I just cannot force myself to pray when everyone around me is yawning, chattering, etc) and most importantly, the company (:

The card I made for my classmates

Aargh, A-levels is such a Catch-22. I want to sit for it, yet at the same time I wonder if I should have taken the SAT after my O-levels instead.

Now, I simply cannot find the right words, despite knowing I should not bother about stuff ca ne fait rien. I know I am not as blithe so as to want to prolong this period of time just before the A's because I really want to get over it. Nevertheless, with the amount of studying I have to do, at times I do wish I had some extra time, for it would make a huge difference.

Disappointed? Somewhat. I am so, so disappointed with myself for letting my studies to degenerate to such a pathetic state. Moreover, the inertia is too great for me to actually overcome.

Anyway, I end this post, signing it off as a proud Saint - as I will always be...

Once a Saint, always a Saint,

Perd.

Time mends and heals everything?

2008-10-05T23:51:00.005+08:00

You bet (:

I just came back from Amanda's birthday picnic today (yeah, I know I have to read those notes on New International Division of Labour and whatnot for Geography test tomorrow) and one thing that I am glad of - things happened the way they did (:

There were a lot of those blessing-in-disguise things that I would only mortalize if I put them in words but anyway, the dinner with Shaun and Eugene at the Manhattan Fish Market really gave the wonderful day its beautiful closure. Tell me about the icing on the cake. Haha. Read Wai's post dated 05th of October 2008 for the detailed recapitulation of the day :D

All right, some photos (after my arbitrary post) taken today:

Before I forget, to the specific yous out there:

I'll end your lights like closed curtains
So come on now, keep it real, avoid getting hurt and
I know you're thinking that I'm kind of rude
But I don't care, it's my whole gutter attitude.

Like what Schopenhauer wrote, "Everything that happens— from the smallest up to the greatest facts of existence — happens of necessity."

Go and figure it out yourself if I am alluding to you :P

Your exasperating blogger,

Perd.

They say, the only constant in life is its variables...

2008-10-02T22:10:00.004+08:00

Okay, I shall be a rude writer and deprive you of proper sentence sequencing to make this entry a jagged one but anyway:

Insertion

This will lead your way...

Attention

AMANDA DENISE CHAN!

Your 18th Birthday is coming...

This puzzle will lead you to where you are supposed to go.

There are 9 pieces in total.

Collect them all through different avenues and you'll get the answer.

THINK HARD!

You don't want to go to the wrong place (:

End of Insertion

Haha. Coming back to the title of this entry, I kind of thought about the potency of time today. Like, since whatever sublunary possessions that we have are so, temporal, then the only thing that remains unaltered throughout the passage of time is time itself.

How great that is.

It makes me ask myself, so, what am I waiting for!? Carpe diem, man, live for the moment, for one knows not what tomorrow might bring.

Anyway, I am in the mood to be random today (after the dearth of blog posts at that!) and just some mental note I made for myself:

1) You cannot change the way the world goes round, but you can change the way you want the world to go round. In other words, you will not be able to change a lot of things but you can always re-assess your expectations of people or things around you and in most cases, you will only be disillusioned when you keep your expectations of them too high. Of course, I am not asking you to be too easily contented with what others give to you; I am merely reminding you to be realistic at times and not to expect too much from people around you for the threshold level of what you get to receive from others is usually equal to how much you yourself are willing to sacrifice. Fair enough?

2) People change and so do you. So long as we live in a psychodynamic environment (which we do), such changes are inevitable because we aren't born to be perpetually static. Therefore, anticipate changes, if not embrace them totally. You cannot expect one thing to remain the way it is for too long when you yourself - whether with cognizance or otherwise - also change.

3) What makes a secret truly what it is would be something that you, well, keep it a secret. If you choose to let something out instead of confining it to yourself (absolutely to yourself), then do not overestimate the level of secrecy you could summon. I know I sound like I don't believe the people I talk to but you do know I am rarely a cynic.

You get the drift; I just want to be random and yeah, thanks for putting up with me today (:

See you again soon!

Your incoherent blogger,

Perd.

Mug. Eat. Mug. Sleep. Repeat.

2008-09-21T20:07:00.009+08:00

Ah, how I wish I could follow that cyclic pattern closely, so that I would get the A's that I want for my A-levels.

It has become my idée fixe now thinking about those things that I would like to do after A-levels; from getting my driving licence to backpacking around Europe, I am but busy studying. Ironically, planning my post-'A' plan is something that can wait, when the examination itself cannot wait.

Man, this sucks.

Someone please slap me, so that I can connect the two dots together - preparing well for my A-levels and enjoying a well-deserved break thereafter. Gosh, the causative link is lucid. Yet, over and over again, I fail to see that (or am oblivious towards it). I guess, what I really suffer from is that inner struggle and tension between the physical inertia to study and my mind's actual desire to study. Why must I have this Apollonian-Dionysian dichotomy reigning when A-levels is so near?

On a different note, I just re-read F. Scott Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby today (fine, maybe I merely skimmed, but you have to connive at that, okay? I have not even read my Literature text Pride and Prejudice properly for once, how to read another relatively irrelevant text thoroughly at this point in time? Haha) and again, I am reminded of that line rife with irony:

"Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone... just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

Self-aggrandizement concealed in a humble reminder to avoid judging people?

Perhaps, but it sure seems so to my cynical self today. Haha.

Okay, I really need to sleep. A mental note to self: I should really sleep when I start to write incoherently.

And so, he disappears, to a nondescript place where his innermost, insatiate yearning is suzerain. Mind over body, you say?

But isn't it merely a perceived duality?

Never mind, just put it simple, like what that not-so-bright guy on the idiot box who says, "I don't mind, and you're nobody."

***

Derrick dared me (put your money where your mouth is, sir, haha) to post the pictures that follow, attaching with them decent reasons for posting them. Hmm, I think, I really mean it when I say that I love myself just the way I am. I mean, I know I am far from perfect (specifically in the Department of Aesthetics, where I am lacking in the pulchritude) but trust me, it could be worse than what you see now :P I know some of you might say that the otherwise remains an image to be constructed in the mind of the beholder but these shall be a fair approximation of what I am saying:

Thank God I was born at the dawn of the 1980's and not, say, the 1960's. If you think that isn't bad enough, imagine me being born a girl - gosh, it would be the classical epitome of ugliness and the perennial definition of hideousness, when beauty is the Zeitgeist of our era:

And his response was:

derrick_chew said:
Idiot, you really put them up, I play2 only lei
Perd (: said:
Uh-oh, wrong move to take with the couldn't-care-less-about-how-he-looks me, man :P
derrick_chew said:
Idiot lol. dont' blame me if girls are turned off by your classic (literally) looks, hor?
derrick_chew said:
But I like the hair-do. You should sport it. Haha.
Perd (: said:
dream on x) just for laughs lor, no harm posting them - beauty is only skin-deep ma :D

Whoa, suddenly, I feel that I am quite good-looking.

Wait.

Okay, Perdy, that, is a clear signal that you really need to sleep badly (:

Your unintelligible, I mean, idiosyncratic blogger,

Perd.

A-Levels

2008-09-16T23:59:00.003+08:00

I need to wake up.

IT'S 48 DAYS TO MY FIRST A-LEVEL PAPERS: GP and Geography!

And yeah, my results for Prelims have not been stellar - not that I expected any better, since I did not put in the required effort - with only myself to blame for that.

But when I almost gave up, a friend came to me and gave me one of the greatest hugs I ever had in my life. Thanks, you, for that comforting hug! Haha. Evidently, life is indeed tough, no qualms about it. Nevertheless, I get by with a little help from my friends (:

Even in Ecclesiastes, it is said that, "Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up."

By the way, hello, that friend of mine. It seems your eyes are troubled. Care to share your time with me?

Ill Stand By You - The Pretenders

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you

I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

But for now, let's beat The Big "A", together! :D

Your friendly blogger,

Perd.

Friends 2.0

2008-08-30T23:20:00.005+08:00

I read this on Chen's blog and thought that I should 'immortalize' this lest she would post another entry soon and her non-cumulative layout would just erase this:

I read on the papers that PH is having a reality show to look for a best friend. HA, I got to admit she is just so cool. She might be stupid and such, it is undeniable that she indeed has power, alot of power. Who is able to have her own reality show to look for a best friend? Retarded but new.

I want to get to know new friends too. I like the process of getting to know someone. When two complete strangers becomes friends, from barely saying hello along the corridors to talking online, then msging once every few days, then talking on the phone and slowly, starting to go out or meet up after school. Its quite cool.

But what happens after that?

When new things get old, when expectations build up, when watching movie or meeting for dinner gets kinda normal and usual, when all the jokes are used up, when there is nothing left to say.

What should you do when everything starts to get boring?

HMM. That is when things get messy and complicated.

When we were still naive and ignorant, thinking that things are meant to last forever, MOE gives us 6 years to feel the eternity and get the hang of things.

When we start seeing bits and pieces of reality, MOE cut down to 4 years. In which we will still feel the promising 'forever' but just more aware that its lifespan has certainly shorten.

Then we saw the light, the truth and the way to how things really work, that inverse relationship between maturity and patience. Everything is just for fun now, 10 years of stupidity is long enough for us to learn an important lesson. No wonder MOE only gave us 2 years, as to make sure it is not too short for us to not experience anything but not too long to make us bored and start eating each other.

ME, an eighteen year old who is still troubled by friendship problems and always blaming the MOE for not giving us enough time to enjoy.
Where do I get all these patience from man?

HA. Now I think 2 years in JC is quite enough.

Then, read the comments posted for that particular entry (pardon my Photoshop skills that the panorama print screen isn't that smooth):

***

Hmm, interesting entry, I must say. I know this isn't exactly the best time to reflect about friendship but she just happened to post it when coincidentally, I was about to publish a related entry, which I have saved as a draft quite some time ago.

You know, I admit that at times, it is tough to forgive the mistake that your friend has done to you. In fact, it is psychologically improbable that recovering from all these past 'crimes' committed by someone you call 'friend' is a simple case of forgetting.

No, of course I am not that naive.

However, at certain points in our lives, when we think about the people who have made us who we are, then it dawns on us, that all these 'crimes' are but a mere mark of our innate propensity to do wrong and to sin. But like what Alexander Pope writes, "To err is human, to forgive divine."

Whenever you can, why don't you try to put the unpleasant past behind you? I know at least I have tried to do so (albeit sometimes in futility). After all, in the whole scheme of things, our friends are indeed fallible but so are we, for no one is perfect. It is meaningless, at best, if not absurd, to keep records of every mistake done unto us, because the list will just go pointlessly long.

In the end, we have to admit that at some point, the best thing to do is to forget and to move on. Besides, remembering may not necessarily even bring about the compensation we think we deserve.

B recommended me this DVD, Memento, and it so happened that the movie is about revenge. An ex-insurance investigator goes after his wife's murderer, and due to the memory loss he suffers from, he tattoos important clues on his body and keeps an endless list of Polaroid photos to remind himself about what he had set out to do. The movie explores the major moral problem with revenge, that is, by the time the act of vengeance itself is accomplished, neither the victim nor the 'villain' remains the same two individuals they used to be before the initial crime took place. In other words, seeking revenge does not only hurt others (as much as you think it is justified), it is also self-dehumanizing. Furthermore, the status quo ante is also altered.

Thus, it is important to realize that sometimes, true forgiveness requires us to remember to forget, and forgivingness is a sine qua non of every great person - at least in my terms (:

Your Disposed-to-forgive Blogger,

Perd.

P.S.: Thank you to those who left such encouraging tags as I prepare for my Prelims - from the constant reminder to take care of my health to the message to turn to God - you all made Prelims at least, bearable :D Thank you!

Yes, Prelims, let all hell break loose...

2008-08-27T21:39:00.003+08:00

Hubris:

And today, another paper's gone to waste;
i fight no more, ceasing to be him.
Even as the le mot juste seems within reach, me, being me, chose to be waiting passively for my coup de grâce instead.

Utter bleakness -

Search me, in my world of perd(ana)ition and putr(a)efaction, as i lose myself, this time, perhaps perennially.

Perfecto. No?

Ah, just like Icarus, with his little wings melted under Your fury...

The Transience of Worldly Things...

2008-08-24T12:54:00.002+08:00

I know not what is perennial, what is temporal.

Yeah, Prelims means nothing but I have to prepare for that nevertheless.

I think the whole A-level thing has sucked me dry of all the zeal of youth. An arbitrary search on my iTunes led me to Alphaville's Forever Young:

Forever Young - Alphaville

Let's dance in style, lets dance for a while
Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies
Hoping for the best but expecting the worst
Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever
We don't have the power but we never say never
Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip
The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won
Turn our golden faces into the sun
Praising our leaders we're getting in tune
The music's played by the mad men

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever? Forever young

Some are like water, some are like the heat
Some are a melody and some are the beat
Sooner or later they all will be gone
Why don't they stay young

It's so hard to get old without a cause
I don't want to perish like a fading horse
Youth's like diamonds in the sun
And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today
So many songs we forgot to play
So many dreams swinging out of the blue
We let them come true

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever
Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever, forever and ever

Forever young, I want to be forever young
Do you really want to live forever?

Let's get over and done with this. I'll see you again once Prelims is over (:

Your Precocious (as if!) Blogger,

Perd.

Countdown to the A-levels...

2008-08-12T23:43:00.006+08:00

It finally dawned on me that I have effectively less than 12 weeks before I face probably my biggest enemies ever as a student: General Paper, Mathematics, Literature in English, Economics and Geography.

That, alas, translates to the inexorable hiatus of my blogging.

Besides, since my carefree days are numbered, I see almost no reason to blog about anything in particular.

I made a collage of these photos from Verine; looking back on those days, I will really miss SA after Farewell Assembly. I will miss waking up each morning, donning the uniform, singing 'Majulah Singapura' and reciting the Pledge (probably the last time I'd ever be made to do that because who recites the Pledge in University?), weaving in and out of classes, and the list goes on...

You get the drift.

A line from Harper Lee's 'To Kill A Mockingbird' came to my mind as I typed this entry: "They're certainly entitled to think that, and they're entitled to full respect for their opinions," said Atticus, "but before I can live with other folks I've got to live with myself. The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."

Indeed, I have to first live with myself.

On a slightly different note, I grabbed this photo from Minyi--it is basically a 'family photo' of some of the treasurers in Council:

(L-R): Minyi (29th Honorary Treasurer), Yong Pin (31st Honorary Treasurer), Zong Wei (30th Honorary Treasurer), Yuqi (31st Asst Honorary Treasurer), Melody (29th Functions Treasurer), Vivien (31st Functions Treasurer), Hui Ying (31st Welfare Treasurer), me (30th Welfare Treasurer), Ryan (30th Functions Treasurer).

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I should know what time the now is meant for...

Your After All, Full-Time Student,

Perd.

In Moments Like These...

2008-08-10T10:43:00.005+08:00

In Moments Like These by David Graham

In Moments Like These - In Moments Like These

In moments like these I sing out a song
I sing out a love song to Jesus
In moments like these I lift up my hands
I lift up my hands to the Lord

Singing, I love You, Lord
Singing, I love You, Lord
Singing, I love You, Lord
I love You

That is one of the songs that the 'Council-choir' sang during the wedding ceremony of Ms Huang Kexin on Friday.

At that point in time, I stood there, as if the hands of time didn't move, when the song rendered the images of my lower secondary school days in St Joseph's.

Gosh. How time flies.

The last time I sang that song for the graduation mass, it was in 2003. The lyrics, the tune, the ambiance--all still fresh in my memory. Yet, it is almost half a decade since then.

Anyway, I decided to blog this since Xiuwen has sent me some photos already.

Most of the 30th with the newlyweds, Mr and Mrs Wong

The 31st

I shan't narrate the protocols of the wedding because I'm not good at narrating (and I'm plain lazy to do so :P).

Is it a marriage made in Heaven? You bet.

Oh, yeah, I re-read this from my personality test report:
ISFJs have a rich inner world that is not usually obvious to observers. They constantly take in information about people and situations that is personally important to them, and store it away. This tremendous store of information is usually startlingly accurate, because the ISFJ has an exceptional memory about things that are important to their value systems. It would not be uncommon for the ISFJ to remember a particular facial expression or conversation in precise detail years after the event occured, if the situation made an impression on the ISFJ.

Coupled with a horoscope reading for Pisces from I-S:
"Dear Rob: If you were, like me, setting out on a 10-year project to become a beautiful truth-teller, having the simple goal of actually expressing the things that Everyone Ought To Say But Doesn't, what would you do?--Aspiring Fount of Truth."

Dear Aspiring Fount: In its highest expression, the Piscean style of telling the truth is ripe with emotional intelligence and a deep thoughtfulness that's devoted to staying focused on the big picture. One of the best ways to increase your mastery of this approach is to regularly tell yourself the truth about yourself with kick-ass kindness.

Hmm... So, am I merely a product of my birth under the constellation or the nurturing of my environment?

Whatever the case, now you know why I have so many secrets about everyone cataloged in my brain :P

Your Perfectly Pisces + ISFJ Blogger,

Perd.

Fashion Failure ;(

2008-08-05T20:46:00.002+08:00

It's effing frustrating that I still fail to decide on what to wear for Friday, when Ms Katherine Huang is getting married.

And that, is farcical, considering that I had from a few weeks ago to think...

Since the dress code is anything pink, she sure would be grinning if one of her guests turns up like this:

But yeah, I better think of a way soon.

Your Facetious Blogger,

Perd.

Sociology 101

2008-08-04T19:54:00.002+08:00

Fine.

I am not trying to be a sociologist here, for I know I am far from being endowed with the accouterments to be one but as I walked home with Matheus from school today, I kind of formulated this theory (albeit one in its very rudimentary form). It is called Theory of Selective Socialization (a term I put months ago in my Friendster profile, but one hitherto arbitrarily chosen). Woohoo, perhaps I should submit this theory and patent it, or maybe write a book on it.

Okay, pardon the digression.

I mean, I kind of came up with this theory to explain certain behaviors of my own friends—nevertheless not insofar as that they were the guinea pigs—and in the process of doing so, I realized a few things about myself, too.

Before I begin, allow me to cite Aristotle's 'The Nichomachean Ethics' (specifically 1155a3, 1156a16-1156b23):

"Friendship... is a kind of virtue, or implies virtue, and it is also most necessary for living. Nobody would choose to live without friends even if he had all the other good things.... There are, however, not a few divergent views about friendship. Some hold that it is a matter of similarity: that our friends are those who are like ourselves... Others take the contrary view...."

According to him, there are three kinds of friendship:

1) Friendship based on utility. Utility is an impermanent things: it changes according to circumstances. So with the disappearance of the ground for friendship, the friendship also breaks up, because that was what kept it alive. Friendships of this kind seem to occur most frequently between the elderly (because at their age what they want is not pleasure but utility) and those in middle or early life who are pursuing their own advantage. Such persons do not spend much time together, because sometimes they do not even like one another, and therefore feel no need of such an association unless they are mutually useful. For they take pleasure in each other’s company only in so far as they have hopes of advantage from it. Friendships with foreigners are generally included in this class.

2) Friendship based on pleasure. Friendship between the young is thought to be grounded on pleasure, because the lives of the young are regulated by their feelings, and their chief interest is in their own pleasure and the opportunity of the moment. With advancing years, however, their tastes change too, so that they are quick to make and to break friendships; because their affection changes just as the things that please them do and this sort of pleasure changes rapidly. Also the young are apt to fall in love, for erotic friendship is for the most part swayed by the feelings and based on pleasure. That is why they fall in and out of friendship quickly, changing their attitude often within the same day. But the young do like to spend the day and live together, because that is how they realize the object of their friendship.

3) Perfect friendship is based on goodness. Only the friendship of those who are good, and similar in their goodness, is perfect. For these people each alike wish good for the other qua good, and they are good in themselves. And it is those who desire the good of their friends for the friends’ sake that are most truly friends, because each loves the other for what he is, and not for any incidental quality. Accordingly the friendship of such men lasts so long as they remain good; and goodness is an enduring quality. Also each party is good both absolutely and for his friend, since the good are both good absolutely and useful to each other. Similarly they please one another too; for the good are pleasing both absolutely and to each other; because everyone is pleased with his own conduct and conduct that resembles it, and the conduct of good men is the same or similar. Friendship of this kind is permanent, reasonably enough; because in it are united all the attributes that friends ought to possess. For all friendship has as its object something good or pleasant — either absolutely or relatively to the person who feels the affection — and is based on some similarity between the parties. But in this friendship all the qualities that we have mentioned belong to the friends themselves; because in it there is similarity, etc.; and what is absolutely good is also absolutely pleasant; and these are the most lovable qualities. Therefore it is between good men that both love and friendship are chiefly found and in the highest form.

That such friendships are rare is natural, because men of this kind are few. And in addition they need time and intimacy; for as the saying goes, you cannot get to know each other until you have eaten the proverbial quantity of salt together. Nor can one man accept another, or the two become friends, until each has proved to the other that he is worthy of love, and so won his trust. Those who are quick to make friendly advances to each other have the desire to be friends, but they are not unless they are worthy of love and know it. The wish for friendship develops rapidly, but friendship does not."

***

Well, Aristotle's discussion of friendship pretty much sums everything up. I propose that naturally, we all practise selective socialization. My theory is based on the assumption that developing a friendship takes a lot of things (e.g. time, effort, money, patience, etc) and when you put that against the backdrop of the issue of scarcity, it is unfortunate that developing a friendship has to compete with other 'uses' of our material and emotional capital, ceteris paribus.

That said, of course I am implying that when it comes to friendship, one has a capital ceiling, that is, the level at which there is no longer any amount of resources made available, in this case, to maintain (if not develop) a friendship. That could be the reason why not everyone is my best friends, or so I think.

Because of the presence of this capital ceiling, it is safe to say that at any one point in time, one could only be friends to a few people, not the whole world.

Be it because we deliberately choose (pardon the pleonasm, I just have to emphasize this degree of control and choice we sometimes have) to spend more time and effort with one particular group of people, or because the circumstance seems to necessitate that we are to be closer to a few people, selective socialization is omnipresent, whether we acknowledge it or not.

I am sure the first reason is highly comprehensible. For an amalgam of factors (because you have this chemistry with this person, you enjoy talking to him more, he is nicer towards you or because you two share the same acquired taste for something and whatnot), sometimes we subconsciously (or consciously) choose whom to befriend. I am sure you have your own reasons for hanging out with your clique or BFFs in school, vis-a-vis, say, a mere acquaintance. I shall not pass judgment on having cliques, because it could be discussed next time when I turn into a moral absolutist.

Okay, I realize this post is highly incoherent I don't even know where I am heading to.

Oh, wait, yeah, I am trying to explain the reasons for the behavior of people. Yes, I am more inclined towards the view that selective socialization is but an inevitable process as one well, socializes. Friends come and go, and although the really good ones remain, it is hard to deny that the level of friendship (if you pardon my sinful act of quantifying and objectifying friendship) will somewhat diminish over time. Perhaps, that friend of yours changed. Perhaps, you yourself changed. You put the two together, there is this inexorable awkwardness, lack of chemistry, uncomfortable silence, simply because you two have diverged so much that it is really difficult to maintain the relationship.

Who, then, is to be blamed? Well, none of us is as impartial as Themis to possess the rights and authority to judge; after all, humans are not static and as we constantly grow and mature, even our very own personhood ebbs and flows.

My point is, the next time you feel that your friends are no longer who they used to be, maybe you could attribute it to selective socialization. What I am really saying is that, you cannot rate someone to be a "bad friend" just because you are no longer in a good relationship with him. The only reason why you perceive that person to be a bad friend is because, at that point of speaking (when he is no longer you BFF or whatever you called him), you see him with a differently-tinted lens. In other words, you assess someone's 'friendiness' by how good a friend he is to you, not by seeing him as a person. Trust me, if you tell your mind to find flaws in one person, you will find more than what you can handle because there are just far too many. For one good quality that your friend has, trust me, you could see a dozen bad ones, if you choose to find them.

If you still did not get the hint, let me explicitly elaborate upon my principle in friendship. I believe in one thing: who you friends are, that one you cannot change; however, how you feel about your friends, that, you can. I do not need you to identify the controllable variable, do I? Basically, I try as much not to criticize my own friends because I know I cannot mix-and-match them. The only ideal friend I would ever have, strictly speaking, would be myself, because I love myself in every single way (for comparison sake, I have to take this extreme and self-aggrandizing stand :P). Therefore, the idea of an ideal friend is sadly, a utopian concept. You either take your friends wholesale—for everything that he is and everything he is not, do not expect him to change too much (when you cannot even change yourselves), or you do not even befriend him in the first place.

Let this be an abrupt end but yeah, perhaps, friendship in itself is meant to be transitory (no, Mat, I have not grown that bitter and cynical yet, haha) and thus, selective socialization is the only way to go. That being the case, I believe that you just have to cherish your friends while that friendship lasts and make the best of it instead of comparing so much.

I realize I should, if only it were not easier said than done.

Yeah, I know the Theory (and my proposition of it inclusive) is far from perfect. In fact, you could jolly well accuse me for talking through my hat. I mean, I am really addressing a very large scale social trend here; and all was done using hypotheses I cannot easily prove, except empirically and temporally (that is, over the course of time). And yeah, some of these hypotheses, you have insufficient statistical evidence to reject one in favor of the other...

In short, just take it as a fiasco and shoot me a look of the purest contempt ;)

Your Failed Sociologist Wannabe,

Perd.

SAJC Rapture @ Esplanade 2008; Existential Crisis

2008-08-02T19:55:00.010+08:00

Wednesday, 30th of July started out great. Mr Soh announced that the Econs Programme was pushed forward to 3pm, which means it would end by 4:30pm (otherwise, it would end by 6pm, according to the initial plan) and I don't have to rush here and there for Rapture.

The day went too fast I only recall the time I took the bus home with John to shower and change. Before I know it, it was Esplanade. Photos are courtesy of Mrs Lim Xiu Wen:

Before the show

Ernica, who insists that she did not over-dress :P

With the bulk of the 30th after the show

The Opening Dance

The Finale

The show was great that the dancers' effort was really worth it; I especially like the 'Boys and Girls' dance by ACS Primary School kids--they are just adorable, and watching these precocious kids on stage (impersonating the dancing and fashion style of an adult) made me want to be just like them.

Then, that thought came to my mind.

If only I could stay as a kid instead of a teenager approaching the big '20' now--removed of all the innocence. I don't know if that would be better or not (sorry Mr Ryan Ng, I kind of contradict myself, with reference to the comment I left in your blog, haha). I mean, that would be equal to no Prelims, no A-levels, no worrying about that friend or this friend, whatever.

And no, Jeriel, that poem wasn't chosen because I was trying to court a girl. I was talking about love in general. But thanks, man, for you-know-what :D

I am so sick of all these crap. I mean, I am drained out even before the A-levels because they are just pushing it, way too hard. I need my break. I need my sleep. I know it's just for another 3 months but still, I am not a robot. They are insatiable, expecting us to remain focused and attentive throughout the day for lectures/ tutorials, completing all the homework (some of which are redundant, I tell you, merely as a lip-service, so that the College think that they are doing their part by bombarding us with work), acing all the lecture tests (which I eventually flunk, deprived of the time to revise) and coming to school on time, simultaneously keeping a proper appearance as a good student who complies with all the school rules, all when we end school at 6:30pm because of some extension for extra lessons.

Life isn't just about mugging, for goodness sake! Surely there's more to life than just all those crap.

Bad Side of the Moon, by Elton John/ Bernie Taupin

Seems as though I’ve lived my life on the bad side of the moon
To stir your dregs, and sittin’ still, without a rustic spoon
Now come on people, live with me, where the light has never shone
And the harlots flock like hummingbirds, speakin’ in a foreign tongue

This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life

It seems as though I’ve lived my life on the bad side of the moon
To stir your dregs, and sittin’ still, without a rustic spoon
Now come on people, live with me, where the light has never shone
And the harlots flock like hummingbirds, speakin’ in a foreign tongue
I’m a light world away, from the people who make me stay
Sittin’ on the bad side of the moon

This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life

There ain’t no need for watchdogs here, to justify our ways
We lived our lives in manacles, the main cause of our stay
And exiled here from other worlds, my sentence comes to soon
Why should I be made to pay on the bad side of the moon
I’m a light world away, from the people who make me stay
Sittin’ on the bad side of the moon

This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life
This is my life, this is my life, this is my life, my life

But again, who knows if I would turn everything to my favor. Pardon my ranting but perhaps, all these would turn me into a stronger person. What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.

A-levels, here I come.

And I know this is random, but who cares? The result of a quiz I took since I was bored:

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Literature Nerd Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and it's eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.
Social Nerd
Drama Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Musician
Anime Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

Your Incorrigible Blogger,

Perd.

P.S.: Today was SAJC Open House 2008--Mark of A Saint and although the visitors seemed to be fewer at a cursory glance, I hope it turned out all right. All the way, 31st (:

To Break Away From This Sublunary World.

2008-08-01T21:08:00.002+08:00

D. H. Lawrence's- 'Mess of Love'

We've made a great mess of love
Since we made an ideal of it.
The moment I swear to love a woman, a certain woman, all my life
That moment I begin to hate her.

The moment I even say to a woman: I love you! ---
My love dies down considerably.

The moment love is an understood thing between us, we are sure of it,
It's a cold egg, it isn't love any more.

Love is like a flower, it must flower and fade;
If it doesn't fade, it is not a flower,
It's either an artificial rag blossom, or an immortelle, for the cemetery.

The moment the mind interferes with love, or the will fixes on it,
Or the personality assumes it as an attribute, or the ego takes possession of it,
It is not love any more, it's just a mess.
And we've made a great mess of love, mind-perverted, will-perverted, ego-perverted love.

And how am I supposed to ignore the transience of all the worldly things?

Your Beyond-This-World Blogger,

Perd.

Of Life's Greatest Beauty (:

2008-07-31T23:40:00.003+08:00

At last, it's seeping out.

I realize it escaped me; I know I can no longer conceal it.
Is it better this way? Or will things get uglier than this?
Search me.
Blame it on the late-night phone conversations.
Blame it on the dedication.
Blame it on my nature.
Blame it on my empathy and sympathy as an entity, sans the negativity.
Blame it on my philia.
Blame it on--

Wait. Hold on.
[Stop
there].

Yes!

Does it even matter who is to be blamed?
At last, it's seeping out.

I knew it would, long before I took the Risk;
The Risk that is worth it, the
Chance that is necessitated. Although now,
At last, it's seeping out.

I was told of the intention.
I supported it, or if you insist, condoned and connived at it.
To me, it was your all-refreshing oasis in the deserted, despondent, desperate, despoiled
life of yours (as if you were in a desuetude).
Yeah, I didn't mean it pejoratively.
But friend, you admitted you yearned for it.

But nevertheless, one thing for sure:
I shall
Never ever regret it |
Because I had to do it, for you, for that person, for you both.
I did what I feel was best for you--whether it was wise or not, you merely judge (:
Despite the ambiguity of everything (which you so profusely believe in), I hope one day you will understand...

One day.

(P.S.: I am not a megalomania, just to let you know. But again, maybe when the time is right, I'll tell you more about it in the not-so-distant future).

***

Haha. For now, please don't ask me to whom this is referred, or in fact, don't even ask me anything about it--why I wrote it or what am I really talking about :P

After all, this is my introverted reflection upon Life (:

Your Confidant--for Now and Always,

Perd.

Wait until I see you again, all right? Just hang in there...

2008-07-26T22:08:00.002+08:00

Friendster Horoscope for July 26, 2008

The Bottom Line

Helping a friend process their feelings will help build your communication skills.

In Detail

You've always been a good listener, but today your shoulder-to-cry-on skills will be put to the test. A blue friend is yet again calling for your advice, and this time you might not be in the mood to give it to them. They never seem to take any of it anyway, right? Nevertheless, you need to give them as much time as you can afford, preferably face to face. By helping them process their feelings, you will be building your communication skills and showing them you're a good friend.

Your typical Pisces,

Perd.

Perd's Very Own Jukebox From the Past

2008-07-24T19:14:00.005+08:00

Hmm... The question in my previous entry made me think real hard about my own past--all the memories that linger on, all the people in my life and all the moments--suddenly I realize that we do not only live for the present or the future but also, the past.

I hate it when people say, "Let bygones be bygones."

Come on, I know it is unwise to think unduly about the things that happened in the past because you cannot undo them but at the very least, can't you just let me appreciate a moment of reflections (and silence) on my own so as to draw lessons from what I just went through?

Let's not talk about it. Anyway, I decided to blog about a dozen of songs that made it to my list of somewhat all-time favorites. Arguably, they have withstood the test of time--just like other great classics. I am sure some, if not all, of these songs are the ones that you used to like very much, songs you can sing to with the lyrics flooding your mind even after a few years not listening to them, songs that bring back that sweet tingle of nostalgia. Some of these songs really have those effects on me. They never cease to make me remember my primary school days, especially during those weekend trips by car to Mangga Dua, a prominent shopping center in Jakarta, when my father would just tune in to this particular radio station playing a few of these songs.

Actually, I also have another list for the mandarin songs but imeem doesn't really have an exhaustive collection for Chinese songs so I guess, I will keep it for next time.

Here you go, I hope you enjoy some of the songs:
Perds Jukebox of the Past

Oh, wait, by the time you are reading this, your perception of me would most probably change; you would consider me as a freak with a queer song preference. But man, it's too late! I can't recant what I already posted and erase this part of your memory. Never mind that.

And so, I have gotten back my last two BT2 papers today--they are atrocious; I can't complain, though, considering the fact that I didn't study as I should.

But for this case, I should really let "bygones be bygones." :P

Or not.

Aargh!

Your spatiotemporally-confused blogger,

Perd.

I am bored, when I should be in school now...

2008-07-23T14:05:00.003+08:00

... but I can't, because I am on MC today due to the cold/ fever/ headache/ cough that are plaguing me.

Anyway, a few people, like Mat, reminded me that I have not been blogging lately. Either I am too busy to write about something substantial or my life became mundane I really can't write about anything. From what you observe, it is more likely to be the latter. Haha.

I went to blog-surf a few minutes ago and found this interesting question from LiveJournal's Writer's Block: You are allowed to place three items from your lifetime into a box that will be opened in fifty years. What do you put in, and why?

Hmm... Since I had nothing better to do, I tried to answer the question and came up with these items: 1) The scrapbook-cum-diary containing some of my family photos that my mother gave for me when I was 12; it would be nostalgic, or so I think, to remember how my family members used to look like 50 years ago or how I used to write when I was still a pre-teen. 2) My Student Council badge; I guess if you read my latest mega-post about my Stepping Down Ceremony, you'd understand the meaning of this ;P 3) My laptop; part of the reason is that it might not be around 50 years later and it's always so nice to keep something that anachronistic. The other part of the reason would be because I want to re-live the moments in my teenage years preserved in my laptop, by browsing the photos I used to take, by playing the songs I used to listen to, and by exploring my MSN Live Messenger conversation history to refresh my memory about the people I knew whom I used to talk to and the things I used to talk about.

Indubitably, that would be a cool blast from the past. What about you?

Oh well, for now, I guess I better catch (more) sleep. I don't know if I am perpetually sleepy because I am suffering from narcolepsy or because my room is just too comfortable. Either way, I see you in my next post, real soon :D

Your always-sleepy blogger,

Perd.

P.S.: Just a result from this random application (Wordle) that I used to generate the commonest words found in my own blog:

Disgust :(

2008-07-16T23:51:00.003+08:00

That encapsulates what I feel about writing my own School Graduation Certificate. I mean, my form teacher did my Testimonial back in secondary school but now, I am expected to toot my own horn without doing so excessively? How am I going to know when to ring my 'biological bullshit bell' (please, I am not in the mood to discuss the significance nor the manipulative effect of the voiced bilabial plosive alliteration there) so as to write an "objective" SGC when I have to choose achievements that can be considered "substantial"!? In the first place, isn't that subjective in itself? And just one aperçu, my beloved College: merely using the third-person pronoun in writing one's SGC doesn't remove that personal bias, okay?

After all, I can still sound entirely cold and distant (sans the "sense of intimacy", eh, Mrs Tan?) even with devising first-person pronoun.

This is utterly rubbish:

I am so not going to submit such an SGC. Yucks! It grosses me out that I could write so self-deceitfully.

Your schizophrenic JC student coerced to be someone else in writing his SGC,

Perd.

SAJC 30th Student Council Stepping Down Ceremony: Where The Journey Began...

2008-07-12T17:12:00.031+08:00

SAJC 30th Student Council
13th of July 2007- 10th of July 2008

It is finally that point in my life, one which I wish never to take its toll on me. But before you partake in this reflection time (beware, this is a mega-post containing unfettered emotions, unleashed in the full glory, not to mention the circumlocution), do pick the song(s) that you want to accompany you as you read this post. And yeah, block off any external disturbances and plug that earphone in the audio output line of your computer. I promise to make this post as short as I can. Well, I can't write a really long one, anyway, having just 'convalesced' from the emotional trauma and shock after Stepping Down and the post-Ceremony concatenation. This, is that entry I promised about a month ago...

SAJC 30th Student Council

And so, the 10th of July 2008 marks the end of my journey in the 30th. I know I have yet to really sort my thoughts out and this is going to be a messy post but I do not want to blog too late lest I lose the urge to do so. Like they say, strike while the iron is hot.

I guess Thursday was one of the days when I tasted so wide an array of emotions. I could not say it any better, simply because the whole experience of being a part of the 30th is just, ineffable. It felt as if I have graduated from SAJC, you know, that Thursday. It was as if the purpose of my matriculation in SAJC was to be in the 30th and nothing else.

After all, we have indeed gone a long way, 30th.

From the corny poster Mat and I did for campaigning (gosh, what were we thinking?!)

The physically-demanding and emotionally-taxing but highly bonding LTC 2007 (with Faith that I will always LOVE)

The never-to-be-forgotten Commendation (with the $20-odd-per-capita lunch at Peninsula Excelsior)

The Council chalet that followed after the Commendation

The inaugural event of the Teachers' Day Concert

The Saintsational Open House 2007

The two Council outings to Sentosa

The Students' Center Revamp Project (which cost Welfare almost $400)

The 90% Glamour, 10% Rock Graduation Nite at Meritus Mandarin

The Orientation One: L.O.S.T. Dry-Run

The Council Christmas Party on the 26th of December 2007

The Orientation One 2008

The Friendship Week 2008

The one-day Orientation Two 2008: Living On As Saints

Even the SAJC Chorale Concert

The one-and-only Selection Camp

The Games Rush Hour

The Leadership Training Camp 2008

With the lovely 2007 and 2008 Faith

The Stepping Down Ceremony: From Here On (I shouldn't have suggested such a melancholic slogan for my own Stepping Down)

And I hope there will be many more events to come, like, the wedding of so and so, or some award ceremony for so and so from the 30th because they are just...

Love (:

I cannot possibly thank everyone in this post but only God knows how much gratitude there is in me for each and every single councillor who is proud to be a part of the 30th. A special thank-you goes out to Welfare for being so supportive and cooperative because really, being your committee treasurer (and getting the Meritorious Award partly for that) is the best privilege one could ever wish for.

Clearly, my one year in the 30th has taught me way more than what I have ever learnt before in secondary school. I could jolly well be the Honorary Treasurer in my Student Council's Executive Committee back in Chestnut Drive, or the Overall I/C for Grad Nite 2006, even the President for both Computer and Robotics Clubs, but being a mere member of the 30th SC in SAJC was a much more enriching experience--so great I could almost lose myself. And yeah, nothing ever came close to that experience. Nothing. Nil. Zero. Nada. I guess, that is how potent the 30th is.

I tell myself that I want to be able to read this post again, 30, or even 40 years later, still with tears swelling in my eyes. By then, I would still want to be able to feel God's love for me, which He manifested via placing me where I was in the 30th, among other things. The friends that I made in the 30th, that "Are you okay?" when I am tired, that help with my homework when I had to cope with some proposals nearing their deadlines, the hugs and massage when I am down. Really. All of these are some of the greatest gifts I have ever received, notwithstanding my being a very material person.

Ironically, I would miss cabbing to school 6am in the morning or going home 1am after midnight for Council; I would miss mopping the Student Center while simultaneously checking the inventory; I would miss having zi char for dinner at 10pm at Broadway in my uniform with a bunch of equally tired and starving committee members; I would miss Ms Huang's rolling her eyes at me when I said something stupid; I would miss Mr Fang's over-prudence and meticulousness (read: being long-winded) during Council meetings; I would miss filing dozens of receipts after each event and calculating the figures thrice--to the nearest cent; I would miss being over-worked, sleeping at 4:30am to rush a proposal when I have school the following day; most importantly, I would miss AmandaChiangMengZongKhiuBoEmKaiShaunHoongV2MatLoyCocoZhuangEugeneMewJoRachelVLinJerielWaiSharonGuoJunXiuJosephWanYiMichelleCalvinDingAlistairTanEvanHarryEdmundLunDanoArunaYangRaissaRaphael :(

Without the 30th, I never imagined myself to be able to dance in front of 1000-odd audience for Teachers' Day, to account for 1100 water bottles and luggage tags for Orientation Two merchandise, to dance to ''Till The Dawn' with the rest of the 30th, to plan a Finale concert for 900 students, again, for Orientation Two, to make a welcoming video for 900 freshmen, to cut hundreds of padlocks on some lockers, to run idiotically across the gallery as part of a skit to advertise for Friendship Week, to make an announcement alone in front of almost 2000 people for the Games Rush Hour, to lug 30000-over water bomb bags from Toa Payoh to Bishan with my own two hands, to go without sleep for three days straight as I chose to chat with Kai instead during LTC 2008, to walk thrice to Sentosa from Potong Pasir at 2am in the morning, to write countless minutes, to buy over 20kg of canned food for a camp, to scold my juniors incessantly (including the P and the VP of the 31st SC), to be informally voted to be the fiercest facilitator for LTC 2008 (haha!), to make such awesome friends.

It was the best way to have it, seriously.

I know I might probably be killed for including these touching blog excerpts about Council but if any of you who wrote them feel uncomfortable, just SMS me and I will gladly remove the respective quotations; anyway, the emphases are by me:

"My dearest 30th,
We had a good run.
We have had joy
We have had fun
We have had laughter
We have had pain
but through it all,
We had each other."
--Amanda Denise Chan.

"I was crying before the walk in. And then, I know this is so cliche, but it happened so fast. I took my certificate. Moments later, Jeriel was awarded the Meritorious Award which was so deserved, and I was next, but I got so caught up in the bittersweet moment, with all the lights in my face and my juniors' screaming, that I could only remember Tan beside me whispering, "DANO it's you!". Next was Perdana, and Xiu Wen, and it only occurred to me later when Perdana mentioned it, that all 4 of us started out in Faith, LTC 2007. And I was proud."
--Danielle Han.

"Then came orientation dry-runs when i got to know some really cool people and did lots and lots of sai kang with perdana which was really fun actually! Then came orientation 2, the one experience i will never never forget. Working with Perdana again as Sai-kang ICs were really great. Although we were in charge of doing all the sai kangs and clearing all the leftover sai, the experience was worth it. I'll always remember the late night dinners we had when our eyes couldn't open and we were all so tired by the table waiting for the food to arrive, the last minute rushing of the board and all the clues. All the screw ups during the meeting and preparations. So on and so forth. The number of banners, the number of tee-shirts, the list of products, the lists of designs, the amount of time spent designing every single thing was an experience. Everything. It was there when i cried, when i laughed, when i led, when i painted, when i designed, when i scolded, when i planned, when i slept in the council room, when i studied, when i stood up, when i fell, when i was tired, when i was hungry, when i came to school, when i leave, when i walked, when i stepped up and when i sat down with my #1, with my heels, on the chair, on the stage, in the C.C, in SAJC during the stepping down ceremony 2008."
--Ernica Ding.

"to think that when i first joined council, my only motivation was to be involved in Orientation, other than that, i wanted to be one who did not hold much responsibility. i vividly remeber whining to Perd about how the late nights were killing me (heh. sorry Perd!).
but, it seemed that i wasnt destined to sit and slack, instead, responsibilities were placed upon me, grad night, FUNctions stuff, and the likes.
and looking back, it's my involvement in stuff like that that has made my term incredibly fulfiling.

not only on my part where i got to form bonds and ensure that events turn out successful, i managed to grow.
and that's one of the things im really grateful for! :)
talk to me a year back, i think i sound super duper different!
looking back, we too are able to impact the lives of the others, through our actions (read Perd's blog for the link thing.) and other stuff like, make the new J1s feel at home! RIGHT GEN? :)
Viewing the vids again, all the smiles on the J1's faces, and the amount of fun we've had, yeahh. im sorry to part with that."
--Joanne Quek.

"...but one thing, i will never forget, the closeness of the council.
they are more like my class, my family to me.
they made my stay at sajc. one of a kind. :P
and as i promised. i didn't shed a tear.
but i wasn't emotionless. the school hymn hit me real bad.
i went home yesterday. and i tried to sleep away my sorrows.
the heaviness in my heart. just did not want to go away.
at least it proves. i miss. the council.

...councillors. they are more then mere strangers now,
each one has carved their initials onto my heart.
and i would gladly take these 'wounds' with me to my grave.

...i know for certain. i have made 45 other friends. for life.
and a few more. greater friends than i can ever imagine."
--Ng Shih Hoong.

"i remember one year or more ago, queen mother boo from the 26th student council was sharing with me her experiences in council. how she'll never trade council for anything else in life. how you'll want to use everything that u have to exchange for an experience like this in life. how at the end of it all, u'll never regret making the decision to sign up for council. I DIDN'T BELIEVE HER! but i experience it myself, and yes... i know what she was talking about. how you'll never ever forget every moment u spend in council. how much time and stuff u're willing to sacrifice just for council. i really wanna thank her, because if not for my queen mother boo. i wouldn't have been in sajc, wouldn't have been in council, wouldn't have known such great council friends, and go through this experience that many might never have gone through. i would say... a moment like this, some people wait a lifetime, some people search forever for that one special thing. 30th student council is the special thing, i'll never want to miss in my life. i never regret making the decision to join council."
--Ng Wai Ying.

"...things sort of worsened
cause i was really afraid that this was gonna be the last time,
im ever gonna feel so loved.
so loved, by these people,
these people who has always been there,
and knows me, love me for me.

...we were hugging and crying on each other's shoulders.
that was really really, comforting.
i dont know, that moment meant the world to me.
cause, well you know that each hug was sincere and it was
just a symbol, a gesture rather of a friendship,
built on multiple levels of understanding. yeah!"
--Priscilla Khiu.

"...remember a year ago,
when i entered into 30th,
friendless, feeling whatever and cant wait to get out.
going through countless of rehearsals,
just to practice the "SLOW and stupid" sitting and standing up.

Through these events and many more,
i've learned the value of what it means to be in council.
As we walked down the aisle today in the CC,
memories just kept coming back.
All the happy times,
countless of outings, movies, dinners suddenly meant so so much to me.
I really regretted not being able to get to know the rest of the councillors better
i've regretted many things in council that i've not done or have done."
--Priscilla Tan.

"As I sat on stage, I remembered all the stuff I've planned for and participated in. I remembered the time I had with my council mates as we went to cheer; as we came back during the holidays to paint or have dry runs; as we did all the sai kang that no one else would willingly do; as we appeared to be the laughing stock in front of the school but we still held our head high."
--Rachel Wong.

"i never ever felt tears so real before.
i never ever felt pride seam through me so strongly.
i never ever felt love and friendship blooming.
i never ever felt so strongly about letting go.
i never will forget this day.
i never will forget this experience.
i never will forget the 30th Student Council.

i remember loving the innocence of people when we just got commended.

i remember the friends that brough to me tears laughter turmoil and pain.

i remembered our commendation benediction"
--Shaun Chua.

"So From here on, I will go home right after school, no more leaving school at 12am and taking spastick photos at the school gate. From here on, there will be no more meetings in between the breaks, no more latenight meetings after our extra lessons, no more walking out of school when it is dark, doing Council work or just chilling in the SC like last night. From here on, I can be a good daughter who goes home for dinner instead of eating Zichar at Broadway everynight and be a good girlfriend who doesn't turn up for dates late cause meetings always end at irregular timings."
--Verine Yeo.

I deliberately included the above snippets (some of which are locked entries, mind you) because to me, each of them is so packed with emotions that something inside me is touched, metaphorically, when I read these entries. The feelings are just so strong, with each entry affecting me in different ways. I thank these people for their enjoyable pieces of writing :D

***

Just a quote by Michael Ondaatje that I chanced upon before:
"Love is so small, it can tear itself through the eye of a needle."

Nonetheless. I hope that our love isn't that small, 30th. I am dead sure that you guys are more than just a dream, waiting to fade away. You guys are sweet dreams that will never, never end. Even as I grow old and weary--stripped off of all the childhood innocence--the memories I share with you remain as vivid. They sure will: from the tintinnabulation of the bells at St Andrew's Cathedral, the euphonious College Hymn (which I first mugged an hour before my Council interview, where I sang the Hymn for the first time without referring to my handbook), even to the slightest encouragement that you gave whenever we ran into some issues in our planning process.

I could say that I kind of hate Council, too. I hate it for giving something so beautiful (like the friendship), just to take it back far too quickly. I hate myself for not having a perfect memory to impeccably capture those precious moments I had during my term of office. I hate the emptiness and the apprehension that envelop me now that my Council commitment is gone (how paradoxical!).

But again, I realize that at a certain point in my life, I know I have to move on because life goes on no matter what. I will definitely miss the 30th. I know it is painful to say goodbye, but I will smile, still, knowing that we will be friends indefinitely. Anyway, I believe that soon enough, we will all be sitting in the Student's Center again, albeit as non-councillors, reminiscing about all the things that we used to do together. After all, doesn't true love withstand the test of time and distance?

I am greatly thankful that our path crossed once. Maybe one day our path will cross again; when that happens, most probably we would be leading very different lives and going through very different things. Maybe, next time I happen to see something that reminds me of you (just today, when I took the train to Bugis, I saw this guy who was wearing the Puma shoes that Zong Wei has), but yeah, it simply serves as an invisible thread that perennially binds the 43 of us together.

Tan said it takes 21 days to change a habit. So, change is but a matter of time. I will get used not to pin the badge on my uniform again, but I don't think even 2100 days would be adequate to change my habit of constantly thinking about the little things that we used to do, which forever will I cherish.

To the 31st Student Council--never mind your preponderance of girls, hehe--the 30th journey has ended but yours will begin real soon. Treasure it while it lasts, because only regrets will remain if you fail to do so.

When asked, "So, Perd, for the very last time, can you feel the heartbeat?"

I would answer, "Definitely, until my heart beats for the very last time."

And nothing can stop it, if even for a second.

I love you, 30th. I really do (:

Your one-forty third of the 30th,

Perd.

P.S.: Yes, if you notice, it is our first birthday--13th of July 2008, 8784 hours thereabout after we "promise(d) to [uphold the traditions of St Andrew's Junior College], God being (our) helper." :D Happy anniversary but goodbye for now :P

And I stepped down today...

2008-07-10T20:21:00.003+08:00

I am too tired, both emotionally and physically, to blog about anything for now.

But all that I can say is, the 30th Student Council is <3

I happened to find this blog that has an entry for the Stepping Down Ceremony. The blog author is Qinching from 07A05 (thank you so much, it's people like you--appreciating all the little things that we do--that make our journey so great :D). She wrote:

30th Student Council stepping down ceremony.
I especially like their video.
I've always thought of the Student Council as the rah rah type.
But they were far more than that.
It was the kind of attitude they had that made me appreciate them,
look up to them.
The enthusiasm, the unity, the cohesion, the responsibility, the love.
most importantly, they uphold the saints spirit.
They were different.
Being with the SC thru most of the events as an AV crew,
seeing how they operate and the hard work they put in,
it feels good.
I can almost sense the satisfation (sic) and relief after a major event,
when countless of rehearsals went all wrong before.

And when the curtains finally closes,
I applaud them for the last time.
Kudos to the 30th Student Council.

Man, really, thank you. You would not realize how much it means to me. At least, one person cherishes what we do. And really thank you to all the 30th Councillors for being such great teammates and most importantly, friends. I don't think I deserve that Meritorious Award because there are so many Councillors in Welfare (23 of us in total) who have put in more of themselves for the Council. Really. I think I am over-rated.

But in any case, I am grateful, for everything (:

Goodbye--smile, not because it's over but rather, because it happened (:

Just your average student,

Perd.

If only I could freeze the hands of time and keep the good memories they way they are...

2008-07-10T00:53:00.005+08:00

Seriously, I do not want July 10 to come.

If I could, I would just pause this vacuum-continuum because it doesn't help that I will step down as a Councillor in less than seven hours' time :(

When I found this ...

... in the Council's Room today, I had tears swelling in my eyes; each minute I spent in the Council's Room updating the Inventory List and packing all the logistical articles came to my mind.

Oh, how I remember that afternoon, 363 days ago, at the St Andrew's Cathedral.

Honestly, I want to be a full-time Councillor and I do not want to focus on my A-levels now--no, not that soon after Stepping Down.

When I first suggested the slogan for the 30th's Stepping Down--"From Here On"--I thought I could just move on and live my life post-Council.

But I was wrong. I couldn't help but breaking down (in tears) when I saw Zong Wei cried after the rehearsal today. And the talk that I had with Bo before she went home, all made me realize why I didn't come to SAJC by chance (:

I do not have a perfect memory but just a prayer I recall from my own Commendation:

Teach us, good Lord, to serve You as You deserve,
To give, and not to count the cost;
To fight, and not to heed the wounds;
To toil, and not to seek for rest;
To labor, and not to look for any reward,
Except that of knowing that we do Your will,
Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

As much as I will miss these great people who have made my life as wonderful as it is, I know that at a certain point in my life, I have to move on. My only solace would be from knowing that I have fulfilled most, if not all, of the above, because these are what I prayed for, anyway.

I am not sure how much tears will I shed in seven hours' time but I know that each of these drops of tears would be perfectly justified. Zong Wei and Kai, you know this best.

The 30th Student Council--to the world we might be nothing, but to me, you could be my everything (:

From here on, we shall wait for my next post on the Ceremony.

Seasons of Love [From Rent] - Cast of Rent

Cast of 'Rent'--Seasons of Love
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned,
Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
Or the way that she died.

It's time now to sing out,
Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate
Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!
Remember the love!
Seasons of love!

Oh you got to got to
Remember the love!
You know that love is a gift from up above
Share love, give love spread love
Measure measure your life in love.

For the very last time,
Your 30th (Welfare) Councillor,

Perd.

When I finally understood...

2008-07-06T04:38:00.004+08:00

Too Much Heaven - US5 & Robin Gibb

'Too Much Heaven'--originally performed by BeeGees

Nobody gets too much heaven no more
It's much harder to come by, I'm waiting in line
Nobody get too much love anymore
It's as high as a mountain and harder to climb

You and me girl
We got a lot of love in store
And it flows through me
And it flows through you
And I love you so much more
Than my life
I can see beyond forever
Everything we are will never die
Love is such a beautiful thing
Oh you make my world like a summer day
Are you just a dream to fade away

Nobody gets too much heaven no more
It's much harder to come by, I'm waiting in line
Nobody get too much love anymore
It's as high as a mountain, and harder to climb

You and me girl, we got a highway to the sky
We can turn away from the night and day
And the tears we had to cry
You're my life
I can see a new tomorrow
Everything we are will never die
Love is such a beautiful thing
When you are to me, the light above
There for all to see, our precious love

Nobody gets too much heaven no more
It's as high as a mountain, and harder to climb
Love is such a beautiful thing
You make my world like a summer day
Are you just a dream to fade away

Nobody gets too much heaven no more
It's much harder to come by, I'm waiting in line
Nobody gets too much love anymore
It's as high as a mountain and harder to climb

Haha. Nope, of course I didn't mean I finally understood the meaning of love and how the excess of it is no longer present. What I meant was that, now, I finally understood the meaning of this one year I spent is Council.

Council is heavenly lovely.

Yeah, unfortunately, nobody "gets too much love anymore", come July 10 :( I better get started on writing my farewell cards before I get even busier with Stepping Down rehearsals on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Your soon-to-step-down Councillor,

Perd.

Counting the days, eight of them to be exact, to Stepping Down Ceremony

2008-07-02T22:38:00.005+08:00

If what goes up must come down,
then
I guess this is it;

I froze upon reading Danielle's entry, where she wrote, "I'll never get to clean the Student Centre ever again, I am sad that I have to give up the Student Centre. With only 8 more days with the SC officially under our charge, I do want it to be in the nicest state it has ever been."

Dang.

And what have I done as the quartermaster? Deceived myself into thinking that I would spend yesterday revising for my Geography paper (which I failed miserably to) while other people cleaned the Student Center.

Okay, that is the last straw. Despite the comforting knowledge that the 31st Honorary Treasurer and Assistant Honorary Treasurer shall do a good job with their first inventory list updating, I nevertheless will do my very last bit before I take out that badge.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

Green Day-'Time of Your Life'

I hope I could close the chapter of the Committee Treasurer (Welfare) in the history of SAJC Student Council well. After all, the Assistant Honorary Treasurer will too assume that role from this year onwards.

If only putting that 'The End' were easier...

Perd.

I'm Not a Tagger; I Am a Taggee, Although I Love Eating Tagliatelle :P

2008-06-29T16:10:00.006+08:00

Gosh, I seriously thought I could run away from doing all these tag quizzes but apparently, this post shall prove my earlier postulation wrong. When I saw my name being mentioned in Jan's blog like, earlier last month, when he did the quiz, I thought I could just pretend not to read it so that I would be able to evade but gosh, now that I have my own classmates hinting me to do this, looks like it is really a cul-de-sac. But anyway, Quek (one of my such classmates, hehe), that's so random can, your calling me the "mini love doctor", haha. Hmm. Perhaps, I should consider taking a Doctorate course in Love (provided I could pass the examination for Love 101 class, haha). Okay, better cease the nonsense here. And the quiz goes...

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
P: I would go over to my best friend's house, cry my heart out and then head down to NTUC to stock up on Kleenex or no, I think Shop and Save's 2-ply Economical Toilet Paper makes a more prudent buy.

You wish. Or rather, she'd wish I cried for her. No way, man. Haha. I think if the above were to happen, I would most probably clarify things with her and see if there is still anything to salvage in our relationship. Otherwise, maybe I would move on and check out other 'alternatives' :P If I look like a faithful guy to you, maybe you are half-correct; I am, but only when I see a point in being so (:

2. If you can have dreams come true, what would they be?
P: I always thought that real dreams are those that do not come true. Maybe I am too cynical for my own good, or maybe those and-they-live-happily-ever-after kind of stories got on my nerves (because they just sound so superficial and contrived, not to mention, cliched). But whatever the case, for the sake of the question, if I could have a dream come true, maybe that would be to be able to travel around the world (and I mean virtually all the corners of it) with my beloved family or friends. Not like this was impossible but you know, with the A-levels, NS, University, as well as my other academic and career plans, traveling around the world would seem to be a pretty elusive experience.

And, can I also marry the 'right' Mrs Teo before 25 or something? I don't want to be too old to start a family lest I do not get to watch my children and my grandchildren grow old with me. Hehe.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
P: Just a simple one for my family and some close friends in Hawaii or something, with my best friends as the best man and the groomsmen (whom shall I choose, eh?). I do not like an elaborate or aggrandized wedding because it just looks like way too much a trouble for me :P Unless, of course, my wife-to-be proposes otherwise.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
P: I live fervently believing that whatever will be, will be (que sera, sera) because I feel that living my life in itself is already enough for a day's worry. Besides, being a Christian, Matthew 6:34 ("Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.") anchors my expectations for the days to come (: I mean, I sure do anticipate what will come tomorrow, but I do not let myself get affected unduly (let alone being confused), thinking what is to happen the moment I wake up the next morning.

5. What’s your ideal lover like?
P: Whoa, this is a difficult question. Call me fickle or flexible, my definition of an ideal lover changes as I grow older. And again, I do not like to classify girls according to my narrow classifications because I see this act of compartmentalizing people as an absurd thing. I think I can never be able to follow a fixed set of criteria when I find a girlfriend (where a criterion unmet renders that girl out of my consideration) so why bother making a definition of an ideal lover in the first place? But nevertheless, perhaps a woman like my mom would be good (:

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
P: Would it sound trite if I said, being loved is more of a blessing? But to me, this is really the case. I mean, given my psychological type of ISFJ (read my previous post here, where one studies show that, "ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their 'need to be needed.' In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them."), I honestly feel that to give is a greater gift than to receive.

If I sound hypocritical to you, then maybe it's just too bad :P

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
P: Hmmm. The waiting time is relative to my assessment of that person. If I think that she is worth the wait (and I know that I will eventually be happy with her), there is no time too long for her.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
P: I would just commit suicide to die as the world's greatest loser. Nay, I am not that extreme. I would just move on lor. Suddenly I am reminded of a Malay idiom, "Bunga bukan sekuntum, lebah pun bukan seekor." (There is neither only one stalk of flower nor one bee around--I can't remember the exact quantifier for bee, if there is one), which means that we should not be in despair if we cannot get the person we love, for there are more than just one person for us to love. I'd be heartbroken, though. But again, who wouldn't? Haha.

9. Is there anything that’s made you unhappy these days?
P: Yeah, my indifference toward Block Test 2. It is supposed to be a major examination yet I am doing nothing much to prepare myself for it (yesterday alone, I watched technically two movies, 'The Strangers' [which sucks, by the way] and 'Wanted'), on top of the already absent revision on my part during the June holiday. I am so doomed. We shall see what would my rank points be this time round.

Also, the fact that the 30th Student Council will be stepping down in fewer than 14 days :( Speaking of that, click here to see Eugene Hong's pretty design for the ceremony x)

10. Is being tagged fun?
P: What do you think? Hint: read the title of this post :D

11. How do you see yourself in ten years' time?
P: How do I see myself in ten years is where I want the 29-year-old me to be: living heavenly on Earth, with wonderful company, driving a Rolls-Royce Phantom and earning like, US$15,000 per month (real income, after discounting the inflation for 2019, given the current living standard)--not too little for a decent, comfortable lifestyle but at the same time, not too high that it's just impossible.

12. Who are currently the most important people to you?
P: Most probably, this is the only question whose answer remains the same even if you ask me a decade later. Obviously, my family and friends (:

13. What kind of person do you think the one who tagged you is?
P: I think the question should be altered because I have lost track who was theoretically the first to tag me more than a month ago. What kind of persons are those who tagged me, hmm, I don't really know. They should be quite cool to include me in their quiz--not that I loved this wonderful 'gift' of theirs--but yeah, to tag me among any other bloggers should be a wise choice :P

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?
P: Just like what Jane Austen writes in her 'Pride and Prejudice', "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."

Why can't I have the best of both worlds--being rich and married? Hmmph. Oh well, since this question only permits one of the options, I'd choose the latter, being "married but poor". My parents were not well-off when they first got married but look at where they are today. Do not underestimate the wealth of love; it is an implicit benefit (or to be technical, an implicit credit in your trial balance) and since marriage secures the love you share with your spouse, it is priceless and the mere possession of it makes you one of the richest men in the world already, albeit not in the conventional terms.

After all, what's the use of having all the money in the world without having that special someone to share that wealth with, for the rest of your life?

15. What’s the first thing you do every morning?
P: If it's a weekday, to get out of my bed quickly and get my shower because I have pressed the 'snooze' button on my alarm twice or thrice and that I would be late for school if I didn't live at Braddell. If it's a weekend, I will have a long shower and get changed before I go out the whole day :P

16. Would you give it all in a relationship?
P: Again, if I see the point in giving it all for the other person, why not?

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?
P: This is highly unlikely because the 'love' for the other one would definitely be just a pseudo-crush or lust. At worst, if this were to happen, I'd choose neither because I cannot promise any of the two that I could commit myself fully to her. When I cannot even convince myself that I really love this one person, how on Earth am I going to convince her to love me? Simple logic, isn't it?

18. What type of friends do you like?
P: Oh, my friends are all amalgamations of so many things I just cannot filter their qualities. Basically, I like my friends just the way they are--for everything that they are, and for everything that they are not. Pardon the rather archetypal answer but if you want a more interesting answer from the boring, perpetually politically-correct me, you are not going to get it.

19. What type of friends do you dislike?
P: In adherence to question 18, of course I dislike those people who aren't my friends because if I consider you to be my friends, why shouldn't I like you? Duh! To dislike someone you call a friend is simply, an act of hypocrisy. Maybe at times, I do get mad at my friends when certain issues take place but it is just human nature to be angry and it does not make me dislike them to any degree. I cannot bear to dislike any of my friends, no matter what, not before I choose to terminate our friendship, that is.

20. And my personal question: if you could change just one thing from your past, what would it be and why?
P: I think I would not change any of the events that happened in my past because without them, I would not be who I am today. Everything happens for a reason, that's why.

Haha. Got you! I'd just make myself out to be a complete idiot to give such a typical answer when it is I myself who came up with that question. Okay, if I could change just that one thing, most probably I would be more careful during the O-level period. Since I still had the cheek to play so hard the week before O-levels, I was sick and my fever (with throat infection!) didn't subside even after a few days. I ended up not focusing for my English Language and Social Studies (Humanities) papers, where I missed seeing a 25-mark and a 35-mark question respectively (yeah, I am that muddle-headed when I am having fever) ergo attaining merely a B3 for both subjects. I don't know why I could still score an A1 (despite the prolonged illness) for all my subjects but not for those two, the only two that tar my O-level certificate, which would otherwise be perfect.

But yeah, maybe that's the only regret I ever have. Therefore, I make sure my A-levels would not be affected by such an experience. Nevertheless, I am quite happy with my results, because I'd not go to SAJC if I didn't get the L1R5 that I did. Indeed, no one is in SA by chance (:

Maybe Omar Khayyam's poem says it best:

The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all your Tears wash out a Word of it.

That should be the end of the quiz. If you are a blogger who happens to read this post and has yet to answer a similar quiz, I invite (not 'tag') you to do this as well. Hehe. But no pressure, yeah? Just do if you feel like doing it. I am not a tagger, as I told you, haha. But wait, ironically, I'm getting a Tagger bag from B as a long-overdue 19th birthday present. Fortunately, carrying a Tagger bag does not make me a tagger. Or else, I'd be a parody, making fun of myself, haha. Like that, I will only carry the bag when I go to Church so that people only see me carrying it on Sundays :P

All right, I hope you have fun reading this post. I am so sleepy after the service today so I think I will sleep early tonight before waking up a couple of hours before my Maths paper 2 tomorrow to do my Statistics revision. That's an improvement already; I do not normally revise so an hour spent skimming the notes per se is my '大跃进' or 'great leap forward'. Haha.

Until then, enjoy your life while I do mine with BT2 ending on Wednesday, when I have my Geography paper (:

Just a tears-evoking song that I listened to a while ago, to accompany you this wonderful Sunday:

Dance With My Father - Luther Vandross

Your not-so-taggy blogger,

Perd.

Onward Christian Soldiers...

2008-06-22T21:26:00.003+08:00

Where The Love Lasts Forever - Track09

Hillsong United- Where The Love Lasts Forever

Your mercy found me
Upon the broken road
And lifted me beyond my failing
Into Your glory
My sin and shame dissolved
And now forever Yours I’ll stand

In love never to end
To call You more than Lord
Glorious friend

So I throw my life upon all You are
‘Cause I know You gave it all for me
And when all else fades
My soul will dance with You
Where the love lasts forever

And forever I will sing
Lord forever I will sing
Of how You gave Your life away
Just to save me, Lord You saved me

With You, where the love lasts forever.

I am going into the battle of Block Test Two, with all there is in me. Yeah, after four weeks of procrastinating, camps, going out and whatnot, the battle is here. In a little over 24 hours, my first enemy shall come.

H2 Economics Paper 2 is on Tuesday. Did I mention GP to fall on the same day as well?

And I just got back home after post-Church outing today. If this is to be the battle that tests me, I'm all ready for it, albeit revising minimally for it.

BT2, come here, and give me a good fight...

Your To-Be-On-Hiatal Blogger,

Perd.