Goodbye NJ, Hello SA

Hi, people…

I apologize that I couldn’t blog these past few days because I am really, really busy with a lot of things hitherto. Now I’m back and before you start reading this very post of mine, it’s advisable that you make yourself feel comfortable and have a glass of water somewhere nearby. Let me assure you, Goodbye NJ, Hello SA will be one of my longest entries.

Phew… The last few days had been a whirlwind of emotional ups-and-downs. First of all, as some of you may already know, I was posted to Saint Andrew’s Junior College (SAJC) on Tue, March 6 2007. When I heard about my JAE posting result via the MOE’s hotline, my mind convulsed in horror. How could this be happening!? I scored 6 points for my L1R5 (after deduction)! I tried to appeal yet it wasn’t successful.

I can never delude myself that I wasn’t disappointed not getting into NJ. I guess it is due to that intrinsic feeling of being rejected and being unwanted. To exacerbate the matter, my dad gave me a dressing-down because I seemed apathetic about my appealing back to NJ. Personally, I do not see a point of appealing back to a school that has blatantly stated that your score is not good enough to gain the admission because I believe everyone has a starting place. NJ is just another starting place. So is SA. What matters the most for now is where I go from there. What matters the most for now is whether I can study hard at SA or not because I could jolly well go to NJ and fail my A-levels in the end, too.

All right, that is actually the minute detail. The bigger picture is, the night before the JAE posting result was released, I prayed real hard, asking for God’s guide in my life because I already had this premonition that I would not be able to come back to NJ. In my prayer, I remember saying, “God, bless me with Your wisdom, bless me with the eye that sees things others just don’t, bless me with a faithful heart and give me strength. Bestow on me the might to keep on fighting. I have surrendered my life to You and I know You will always give the best for me, never less. I will follow you no matter what painful places Your master plan leads me to. I will never ask for more. Send me to the school that You want me to be in tomorrow. I will never question You. Amen.”

That is the reason why I was so uninterested about appealing back to NJ; it’s by God’s will that I was posted to SA.

My solace is to know that SA is the place where God wants me to be. I am so sorry that I might sound overly devout and pious but this is how I have been taught during my secondary school years at SLTP Santo Yoseph (St Joseph Sec Sch, Jakarta).

The very first morning in a bus to SA, I was listening to this gospel song by Edward Chen on my MP3 player and my heart suddenly thumped very fast. My Creative ZEN randomly played Indah Pada Waktunya, an Indonesian gospel song and as if a miracle had happened, all my doubts about God’s will (the impudent me!) vanished by one snap of the finger. This is how the song goes, translated from Indonesian:

Indah Pada Waktunya
(Beautiful When the Right Moment Comes)

There are times when we feel sad
There are times when we feel joyful
There are times to remain quiet
There are also times for us to speak

But above all, I know my God works
He works to bring everything good
To those who love Him

Always,
Whenever I face difficulties,
Whenever I don’t get what I want
Whenever there seems to be no answer
Why all this have to happen

But above all, I know my God works
He works to bring everything good
To those who love Him

Maybe, I don’t understand
What I am facing right now
But again, I know for sure,
My God’s love will never cease

Chorus:
I will give up all,
All of my struggles
To You alone, Jesus
Because I know for sure,
I will realize everything is beautiful
when the right moment comes

I was back in astonishment when I first stepped my feet in SA. Just outside the Cultural Centre, SA has this board written with “No one is here by chance.” God knows what kind of lightning struck me that split second. My heart sunk into disbelief and I eventually thanked Him silently for that unmistakable, manifest sign. The next day, my soul rejoiced after I had the Principal-meets-the-Christians talk. I clicked with SA in a couple of days—just like that! I’m not being offensive, but it took me a few weeks to feel that homey in NJ because some of the people are plain uncaring. It felt cold initially.

I still love NJ, though. I will still miss the friends I’ve met there. They are all great, especially my 07A02 classmates! They are perpetually somebody I want to call my friends, mi amigo, mein Freund. The only difference now is that I don’t feel that attached anymore to NJ as I was a few days back. Come on, even as I walked to NJ Parade Square for its campfire on Thursday evening, I already felt foreign there. I had this elusive feeling, something like a bad déjà vu. Like, you know, you feel that have been there, but it’s not a place you would want to be in once more. Of course again, I’m just referring to the building alone, not to my chums there. A funny incident happened then, the NJ security guard (the side gate) rolled his eyes at me before asking, “Are you a student here?!” I was like, what the hell? I was wearing the house T-shirt, for crying out loud! Am I already a persona non grata in NJ?! I have lost my NJCian look, haven’t I?! But being a big fat liar that I am, I convincingly told him that I was one of the OG leaders who came back for the campfire. Haha. My bad. Served the guard right for doubting my bona fides. Now I know my going to SAJC is not a bad thing, after all.

Even as I compose this entry, I can still feel the euphoria that overwhelmed me for that matter. The delirium was further buoyed when I actually found out that SA has more than 70% distinctions for the A-level English Literature, a subject I know I will need a lot of help in. Another good thing is that, I feel less pressurized being a Saint, as opposed to being an NJCian, because I can now study at my own pace and can have the much-needed breaks as and when I like. I am not a mugger innately. I don’t really procrastinate; I do not like to study intensively just before a major exam to regurgitate better, one criterion to be a true-blue mugger.

In any case, every cloud indeed has a silver lining and I guess, those are the advantages I get by going to SA. The only hefty price I had to pay is to leave my beloved friends at NJ. Sigh… Guys, just be sure that you will always be missed. Sooner or later, we still have to go our own ways. It’s just a matter of time. Graduation is only 21 months away—it’s imminent! Just take my leaving NJ early as a premature graduation. All the best to you in whatever you do… I am so thankful to He who has brought us together. Our encounter was short yet sweet. Nothing has been lost at all, actually. We can remain as friends although we are not in the same school already. Don’t feel sad or even cry, remember the fun we have had together? The ‘stoning’ during lunch or free PW periods, skipping classes, reporting late to Mr Whitby’s Lit lessons, the outings, the candid photos taken, or even the bakkwa cheers we shouted together? The camaraderie we have made in NJ is always on my mind.

To all 07A02ers out there, including Bruno and Michelle who have left for RJ and VJ respectively, just remember: we came to NJC with happiness and that is what we are going to leave the school with. We did not bring anything much with us the very first day we came to NJC and having so much good memories and many friends in return is already something we should be grateful for. I’m sure my first three months in NJ would never be the same without you around. It’s true, that the intense three months in NJ united us in ways that decades together often could not. Thank you for everything! You will never be forgotten and this video is a testimony to my genuine oath never to forget each and every one of you. Remember the High School Musical soundtrack that we used to dance to during the Odyssey? I don’t want to make everyone feel too emotional by some melancholic background songs and that’s why I chose “We’re All in This Together.” We were so cheerful back then, because we had so much fun. Allow me to bring back that nostalgia once more, so that we can reminisce about the good time of our youth so often right here, at http://www.just-perdana-and-you.blogspot.com:




I must say that my first day at SA was awful. The images of NJ Orientation and my best friends there kept playing on my mental screen. I had no appetite. I couldn’t memorize SA cheers, nor could I memorize the school hymn. I got lost as I didn’t know where the hall is, or which floor the library is. How I wish I were sick on that day so that I could just get an MC and stay at home.

But hey, I have told myself repeatedly not to give up. I must be able to get through this. Because if I couldn’t surmount this trivial bump in my life, how would I even be able to survive the ferocious, truculent adulthood?! We only have one shot at life. Indubitably, we do not really get what we really want but there lies the beauty of life: there is no right answer. Schopenhauer once said, “Everything that happens, from the greatest to the least, happens out of necessity.” I can never contemplate that wise saying any better. Every bad and every good thing that happens in our lives is there to make us what we are today. Life is too short for us to be sad. Cherish every second that we are given. Let’s make the best out of our lives, because we never know when our time in this world is up. Instead of succumbing to forlornness for not getting the JC that I want, I decided to make the best out of what I have.

Nevertheless, these recent events in my life can be said to adumbrate the long and winding journey I shall face in near future.

Human beings are indeed insatiable. We can never have enough, always asking for more. Actually, life is full of boons only if we could count our blessings. Why waste your time begrudging others what they have and you do not instead of appreciating what you already have? I might not get to study in NJ but just like what they say, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Other places always look better than the one you are in. Be happy with the status quo, people.

In the space of merely four days, I have found myself basking in contentment and joy as well as in the depths of despair. But looking back on it now, I know that it was all worth it. I have proved to myself that I am able to summon all the courage and perseverance within me to overcome any obstacles. This is a life skill that I know will stand me in good stead for my future endeavors.


Love,



Perd.